Category: Funny

From Joke A Day: The state of Texas has executed yet another inmate. But unforeseen legal issues have arisen. The state has killed so many people this year, it must now register as a tobacco company.

…That’s why I had to execute my cat.

(thanks Ruminate.com)

Create your own random Anarchists Cookbook. It’s a farce, and none of the stuff actually works, but it’s a funny read if you keep reloading it. Like this gem that just popped up:

Land mine

• Fill a container with toenail clippings
• Connect a trigger wire to a vial of bananadine chromate, and embed this in the container.
• When the victim trips on the wire, the mine will go off and he will suffer either hallucinations or sudden death!
• This can also blow a bicycle into 291 pieces. Historical note: this was first used in 1912.

This is going to piss some women off…

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling her it’s not so, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.”

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

“How long will this take?” she asks..

“They will grow larger over a period of years,” he replies.

The wife stops. “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?” Without missing a beat the husband says, “Worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

From Obscure Store: Police say Richard Gambardella, 65, and Peter McKasty, 7, each held their own against David Thompson, 23, who stands 6-feet tall and weighs more than 200 pounds. He’s been charged with multiple crimes, including robbery. Full Story.

Sure, what the hell. I’d vote for him.

Tell them you’re selling your computer, not buying another, and moving out of the country.

Update on 9/13/05: Congrats all you AOL idiots — you’ve made me famous.

Look at the picture above the link for “Search” on this site. Is that Yoda? Thanks to NTK.

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush‘, ‘Dick‘, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more?

– Quote by Chris Rock (with links added by me)

Can you tell the difference? Some of those pics are quite revolting. From b3ta.