Category: Funny

I never knew they sold such a thing.

Another one from JokeADay:

It’s common practice in England to ring a telephone by sending extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signalled without disturbing each other.

An elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house. The phone didn’t ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly, followed by a ringing telephone.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground post via an iron chain and collar.

2. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signalling current.

3. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and urinating on the ground.

4. The wet ground now completed the circuit and the phone would ring.

Which shows you that some problems can be fixed by just pissing on them. But only temporarily.

From JokeADay: News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped down on an Iraqi Primary School and captured 6th Grade teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar.

Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a geo-board, base-ten blocks, algebra tiles, a computer, a data projector, and a graphing calculator.

This proves that Iraq indeed possesses weapons of math instruction.

A 21-year-old student was arrested for allegedly hacking into a university computer system during student elections to cast hundreds of votes for a made-up candidate he named American Ninja. Full Story.

They’re considering taxing livestock in New Zealand that belch or fart too much. I know I’d be in trouble if they taxed me on that.

What do you get when you combine a tabletop, large amounts of salt, a steel spatula, one garden-variety slug and way too much free time? Why, The Maze of Pain of course! This man is a sadistic bastard — I only wish I would’ve thought of the idea first ;-). Link via 3bruces.

From Wired magazine, link via beerdrinker:

Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) suggested Tuesday that people who download copyright materials from the Internet should have their computers automatically destroyed.

But Hatch himself is using unlicensed software on his official website, which presumably would qualify his computer to be smoked by the system he proposes.

The senator’s site makes extensive use of a JavaScript menu system developed by Milonic Solutions, a software company based in the United Kingdom. The copyright-protected code has not been licensed for use on Hatch’s website.

While the problem has since been correct and his current site has the copyright in the source code, Google cache shows the truth of his original violation.

This guy is having no luck at all. His site has had porn links, and he has been labeled a terrorist. He’s a composer, too — take that as you will.

This is actually far harder than it looks. I got one right, and that was just from guessing. But I’ve seen stupid color names at the home improvement places for various paint colors. Can you guess, by the stupid color name, what color it actually is?

I’ll just quote the site for this one: “It has become quite clear to me in recent times that people are having trouble distinguishing RealLife and the internet. So we here at SuperVeggie.com say: “Why fight this confusion? Let’s bring our internet life into the RealWorld!” So here, brought to you by SuperVeggie.com, is the official Emoticon -> RealLife Conversion Manual.” Basically, the site takes Emoticons such as :(, :\, and 😛 and makes pictures associated with them. The guy’s just got a funny face.

Otherwise, she’d be my problem (as I was going to build them a computer).

I just had a co-worker give me a buzz here at work. It’s her day off. She just got a Dell as a gift from her in-laws. This was (basically) the conversation:

Girl: Hey, quick question. You busy?

Me: I’ve got a minute. What’s up?

Girl: Well, I’m setting up my Dell here, and I have all these CDs. They say “System Restore,” “Driver and Utilities CD,” and a couple others. Do I need to keep these?

Me: Of course you do!

Girl: But they say they’ve been preinstalled. Why do I need to keep them?

Me: What happens if they bonkers and you have to reinstall them, and you’ve thrown away the disks?

Girl: I’ll call Dell.

Me: And you know what they’d have you do? Get your disk, and reinstall the software. And if you don’t have it, Dell with charge you to have new copies sent.

Girl: [silence]…Well, what about these other ones for Word Perfect, PowerDVD, and Encyclopedia Britanica. Do I need to install these?

Me: I’m willing to bet that they’re already installed.

Girl: Where would I find them?

Me: [shaking my head] On the start menu.

Girl: Oh…OK. Do I need to keep these CDs?

Me: Yes.

Girl: All of them?

Me: Yes, every single one of them.

I should’ve told her to chuck them, just so the Dell guys can think it as funny as I did. I don’t envy those Dell guys at all. While I will build and sell computers to some people, I generally won’t to the folks that are going to be more work than they’re worth.