Category: Funny

  

I think my putter has already voted here. Thanks to Shasta Bob for the pics.

Finally, a police department with a sense of humor.

A proposition has been announced recently to help reduce the deficit and to “Take A Bite Out Of Crime.” If you witness a crime, it is your civic duty to report the crime to the police. When a crime is committed, you have the right to make a “Citizen’s Arrest”. Thus, if YOU commit a crime, it would be extremely helpful for you to perform a Citizen’s Self-Arrest. Fill out the form, to complete your Citizen’s Self-Arrest.

The form is very entertaining, providing options to questions that are just hilarious. When it asks for your plea, you can select “Guilty, Not Guilty, No Contest, Too Drunk to Pick.” The also give you a microscopic bible to swear on, too.

Another joke sent via e-mail…

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, a man in a Marine uniform is seen slowly walking up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the courtly, soft-spoken Marine leans down, motioning toward his chest, and whispers something into the boy’s ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the Marine slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve and asks quietly, “Excuse me, sir, but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”

The Marine smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose.”

I posted a few days back about an attempt to make George W. Bush a “miserable failure” by tainting Google results. I’m happy to report that if you search for miserable failure on Google, it now shows the truth.

Just an FYI: If you’re flying anywhere over the holiday season, don’t bring a fruitcake — they look like bombs in the airport security scanners. Thanks Barney for the link.

Just put a penis into your nightly sports broadcast. That’s what WFAA did — I’m sure by accident.

Tonita Wiemels, 39, was arrested outside a popular Berkeley toy store after she hit a customer in the face with a box of Legos, shoved a second shopper and kicked a third, according to police. Full story. Link via Obscure.

These are the weirdest, but funniest, things I’ve read in a long time. Link via Waxy’s links.

Why else would they have swastikas in their software? Needless to say, they’re getting removed.

And businessmen and professors around the world are now blaming their in ineptitude on Microsoft. Full story.