Surfing The Web So You Don't Have To
My guess is this wasn’t unintentional. It showed up on Leno the other night, apparently. The headline was about Rosie O’Donnell marrying her partner in San Francisco and blasting President Bush’s position on gay marriage had to be no mistake. No attribution but it appeared to be San Francisco Chronicle type face.
The Headline?
“Rosie Marries, Slams Bush”
Thanks Barn for the tip.
I agree with Barney, and I’m generally a moderate, but I did laugh pretty damn hard at this joke from my cousin…
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family What do you do?
Liberal Answer:
Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Conservative Answer:
BANG!
Southerner’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click….(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
This one comes care of Microsoft. The solution to spam? Start charging to send an e-mail. Even at a penny per e-mail, it’d be around 75-cents per day for me, which means I’d pay around $22.50 for e-mail per month.
I can see this hurting the spammers, but what about us common folk? What about legitimate e-mail newsletters that send out e-mails to 100,000+ folks? Those folks wanted to be on that list, so why should folks like Lockergnome have to pay a fee? They’re already having to deal with fart-knockers like AOL who block their legitimate e-mail anyway. And what about this site’s daily newsletter? It’s only going to 64 people, so do I have to pay for them, too? Micropayments ain’t ever going to work.
So Microsoft’s other solution?
Instead of paying a penny, the sender would “buy” postage by devoting maybe 10 seconds of computing time to solving a math puzzle. The exercise would merely serve as proof of the sender’s good faith.
I quit taking math classes years ago, and I certainly don’t need to waste 10 seconds doing a math problem so I can send a frickin’ e-mail.
Needless to say, none of these solutions will be implemented any time soon. SpamBayes (on the client end) and Spam Assassin (server-based tagging) keep my spam at bay. I would love if it weren’t even making it across the ‘net to begin with, but there’s nothing I can do to stop that.
Speaking of Photoshop contests, a Far Side fan will really appreciate this. Both links via Waxy’s links.
Offensive, but oh so damn funny, Photoshop fun.
This is what your browser would look like if you installed almost every toolbar available. This guy has way too much time on his hands. Another link from Neil (can you tell I’m cleaning out my links?)
supermodelswithseethroughtops.com. Try it — it’s not what you think (and it’s safe for work). Thanks Neil for the link.
Don’t play this at work, otherwise you’ll keep trying it until you beat my score:
Good luck 🙂
Update: The above link is down, but one of the comments gave us a new link, which is where the folks posting comments are getting their higher scores.
Update, this time on 1/29: Looks like the guy who originally created this game has it posted here. The link in the update above was reverse engineered off the original with his logo added, but it makes it so the scores are really high (as you can’t get a very high score with the original — at least compared to above).
Update on 2/4: Another variation.
Update on 3/10: There are actually a pile of variations of this game. Many listed in the comments to this entry, but this site lists a pile of variants, as well as a history of the the game. Thanks Neil for the link.
Still to this day, this is by far the most commented on entry on my site, surpassing even the One Weekend a Month my Ass entry.
Update on 10/31/05: Simone sent me a new link for this game. Just so you know, however, you are no longer the most commented on entry on this site. That title belongs to a couple entries.
Update Some Time later: Here’s a good article that sums up the Smack The Penguin Phenomenon.
(Joke that my cousin just sent me…)
A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?
“We’re taking Continental,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”
“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called “Teste.”
“Don’t go any further.” I know that place. Everybody thinks its going to be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?”
“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
“It was wonderful,” exclaimed the woman, “not only were we on time in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class.”The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot and the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!
“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.”
“Oh, really! What’d he say?”
He said, “Where’d you get the shitty hairdo?”
(Been sitting on this link for a while, just haven’t had a chance to post it, so ignore the fact that everybody and their dog has probably already posted it). News 14 Carolina should have known better. They made the mistake of using an automated system for that posted school and business closure information across the bottom of the screen. Thanks to some pranksters on the WolfWeb board, hilarious information started to appear across the bottom of the screen. Some of the closures: “Tutone Inc., Closed Thursday and Friday, Call Jenni at 867-5309”, “Cecil’s Cockring emporium, Back up Tomorrow”, “Bring ’em Young Daycare, Closed Friday, Contact R. Kelly for details” and “Windows 32 Exception Error, if this is the first time you’re seeing this, please reinstall Windows.”
There are a few sites with screen-shots of the mess here, here, and here. Full story on the mess here and here.
But really, when they let things run unmoderated, they get what they deserve.