Category: Funny

Otherwise stuff like this happens (from NTK).

From NTK:

What if you really want to hit the military-industrial-entertainment complex where it hurts? One ingenious – yet anonymous – NTK reader may have an answer, in the form of a breathtakingly realistic video cover he’s created, pioneeringly depicting US President George W Bush as a fish-out-of-water idiot who just happens to find himself running the world’s least accountable superpower. What’s more, the 1614k jpg is exactly the right size for responsibly-minded individuals to print it out in glossy inkjet colour, slide it into an empty DVD sleeve, and leave it in a prominent position in their local video library/rental superstore, where, our correspondent hopes, “it should confuse and delight in equal measure”. The section you leave it in – Comedy? Action? True Crime? – is entirely up to you.

The video cover is available here. Priceless.

Just some things to think about today:

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s butt.”

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask here the bathroom is?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your ass?

Or here, for that matter.

From Ruminate.com:

Given the likely reaction to an increase in terror-alert level to “severe threat imminent,” wouldn’t a more appropriate alert color be brown?

If I were a recovering sex addict, I think I would opt for group therapy.

I think I’d have been happier if Don MacLean had died and Buddy Holly had written a song about it.

A joke that was sent to me by Shasta Bob:

The boss of Stone Marketing called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the employer, who understood the benefits of having fun,told the burned-out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About seven minutes later,they turned in their suggestions and created a Ten List. After all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.

The top ten:

10. Viagra – Whaazzzzz Up

9. Viagra – The quicker pecker upper.

8. Viagra – Like a rock!

7. Viagra – When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra – Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra – Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra – Strong enough for a man,but made for a woman.

3. Viagra – Tastes great! More filling!

2. Viagra – We bring good things to life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your penis … This is your penis on drugs. Any questions?

Joke I was just sent:

I’ll never forget that horrible evening I took my grandmother to the emergency room. And after an hour of pacing the doctor said, “Emo, your grandmother is on an artificial life support system. Although her brain is dead, her heart is still beating.”

I said, “Oh my God, we’ve never had a Democrat in the family before.”

And in case you need a guide to understand what the colors mean, here’s a good one. Using the aforementioned guide, here’s the current terror alert status:

Full Story. I just get a kick out of this, as mail-marketers will send mail to ANYBODY and won’t always check to see who they’re actually sending to. I know folks who put their dog’s name on a magazine subscription once, and about 3 weeks later, that dog was getting credit card offers.