Category: Funny

I’ve seen lists of office pranks before, but nothing with the depth of this site. From BBspot.

From Obscure Store and Smoking Gun e-mails:

Curtis Lee Robins pleaded guilty to injuring his stepson by striking his exposed genitals with a car antenna, repeatedly locking him out of the house, and forcing him to take shelter outdoors, sometimes in the doghouse. A prosecutor says: “We gave him a choice: 30 days in jail or 30 nights in the doghouse. He chose to sleep in the doghouse.”

Full story.

From Ruminate.com:

My son asked me, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” I told him that bad things usually happen to bad people *first*. I didn’t tell him that the bad people then go and take it out on the first candy-ass do-gooder they come across. He’ll learn that on his own in junior high, one way or another.

I bet those gangsta rappers aren’t such tough guys. Hell, my 90-year-old grandpa curses and wears pants that are three sizes too big, too.

I think you could save money on a haircut by dropping a really angry cat on your head.

I keep telling my wife: “It’s NOT cheating on you with your sister, it’s making love to you by proxy.”Some women just don’t understand.

One good thing about knowing North Korea has nukes that can reach the United States: My constipation has cleared *right* up!

Sometimes, when I drop my pen, I can’t help but wonder if it’s really God’s way of saying he wants to see my butt.

I call my retriever puppy “Skipper” because he bounces two or three times every time I throw him out of the boat. He seems to like it though, unlike like his predecessor, Mr. Drowny.

All you have to do is comb the beaches of Washington State up to Alaska. Thousands of pairs of Nike basketball shoes are washing up on beaches from Washington state to Alaska after spilling from a container ship in Northern California. The hitch is that the laces were untied in the container and the shoes were sperated, so you’ll have a hard time finding a match to your shoe.

It’s amazing to me that the French had such nice looking rifles back in the early 19th century. But I guess you can make them nice when you’re not going to use them and just plan on dropping them and running away.

“She took her breasts and left,” says plastic surgeon. If he can’t find her, I’d be looking to see if she’s modeling her new chest anywhere.

Joke my parents just sent me:

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo Elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks.

The Elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people. “What are these guys in the big suits doing?”

One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment the Navajo Elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, “Why certainly!” and told an underling to get a tape recorder . The Navajo Elder’s comments into the microphone were brief.

The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate. So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder’s message to the moon.

Finally, an official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing the translator relayed the message:

“Watch out for these pricks. They have come to steal your land.”

Only a Pink Floyd fan will truly appreciate today’s Get Fuzzy.

…then this is the article for you. Quote from the article’s lead:

Nobody gives a shit what anti-war or pro-war writers think. Really. So shut up. That goes double for poets. Shut the hell up, poets. Everybody just shut up.

From b3ta: Ever wondered what would happen if the little men in the traffic-light pedestrian signals were real? Wonder no more.