Category: Funny

Vaseline and a paper towel and a magazine. This, along with other answers like this:

Q: Why does Juliet wonder that “heaven can be so envious”?

A: She’s on shrooms.

When a bookstore’s “Best Sellers List” include such titles as “Hit Rock Bottom,” “Out on the streets,” “Sold Out,” and “Up sh*t creek,” you might have to worry. From NTK.

Ken sent me this too: http://198.78.65.123/nokia/nokia.mpgA short ‘commercial’ for Nokia phones with video capture ability.

OK, it’s not really funny, as it hurts quite a bit when those little buggers take over. The only reason I linked to this as it reminded me of a similar story from my high school running days. I was up at the Steens Mountain Running Camp for my 3rd year. A big part of the camp is the cross-canyon run — where you and a bunch of runners from schools all over Oregon and the west coast team up into groups of about 8 or so and run a point-to-point race through knee-deep sagebrush, bushes, and barbed-wire. You know you need to find the finish line — you don’t exactly the right way to get there, but you know you need to find the school bus about 4 miles away. It’s a hell of a lot of fun, and you have to start and finish as a team.

Since I was the most experienced member of my team that year, I was given the task of leading the way, and I knew a fairly quick (though excruciantingly painful) path to the buses as I had run the race a few times (the teams had a staggered start so everybody pretty much took their own route). We made pretty good progress considering we were the last team to start, and we had passed a good chunk of the teams. With about a mile to go, we were on pace to break the course record, until we plowed through a set of bushes and I managed to boot (yes, kick) a bee hive that was hidden in some bushes I was tromping through. The thing went flying, the bees got pissed, and I was stung 6 times in my right leg. Everybody on my team (minus one guy) was stung, too, at least once. Several of the teams behind us had followed our lead, but then ran into the same pissy groups of bees. We missed the un-official course record by about 30 seconds because of that little slow-down. My leg was swolen up for the rest of the day.

It’d be bad enough of your mascot is a Trojan, but it’s nothing like going to school at C.O.N.D.O.M..

Chris Pirillo is one funny man. I stole this great quote from his site: “Remember: the number of idle threats made is inversely proportional to the size of your genitals.” Does the same hold true for red-necks who jack-up their pick ups? We have a lot of those pricks around here, and I’m completely convinced that they’re compensating for something.

If you’re wondering why Chris posted something like the linked post, it was in response to an idiot who made some stupid and mean comments on his site. He then posted the IP address of the moron, who probably doesn’t have an internet connection now 🙂 (head to http://chris.pirillo.com/archives/2003_04.html#000914 and click on the comments for that post to see what he had to say).

Here’s a good guide to using the apostrophe

Licensed to Kill, Inc. is a tobacco company that was officially incorporated in Virginia on March 19, 2003. And they’re brutally honest: “We knowingly kill people for profit. And we’re proud of it. In fact, it is the explicit aim of our corporation.” Granted, the domain was registered by Essential Information, a Ralph Nader groups, so it’s obviously meant to be humorous. But they’re still getting media coverage, just the same. A very nice farce, this is.

I’m getting better…I think I’ll go for a walk. From Al’s Morning Meeting, The Smoking Gun snagged a bunch of CNN canned obits that got posted online by mistake.

So you mean Ronald Regan isn’t dead? I’m checking the dead people server to find out.

Even if you do, this video is still funny as hell.