Category: Funny

That advice given by Chevy Chase, who was giving a commencement speech at a small-town high-school. “Chase said he was excited to get the invitation, until he saw the directions from his house in Bedford Corners, N.Y., to Pomfret (Connecticut). He drove in his Mercedes using an automated map-finder that told him to prepare to turn where an old barn used to be and to remove the casserole from his oven and place it in the glove compartment.” Funny stuff.

From the story:

A Nebraska lawmaker is so fed up with constituents crossing the state border to gamble that she proposed going to war with neighboring Iowa.[…] The proposed amendment read: “The sovereign state of Nebraska declares a state of hostility with the sovereign state of Iowa until such a time as the state of Iowa ceases the unjust and relentless appropriation of the resources of the citizens of Nebraska.”

Link via Newsfilter.

OK, Gregg, you win: Your state lawmakers are bigger idiots than mine. A columnist from Iowa has written a very funny reply to the bill that is well worth a read:

“Now, Nebraska, you want to play catch up. Well, good luck. At this stage I sincerely doubt that even when you do manage to legalize gambling that you will gain the upper hand if for no other reason than who wants to drive into downtown Omaha to gamble? What Las Vegas casino corporation would want to move into a neighborhood that already has three casinos with easy access, great parking and room to expand in order to endlessly one up you? What could you possibly offer that could top us? Legalized prostitution? If you did, I’m sure you’d legislate the life out of it until it was as soft-core and boring, too, the sexual equivalent of keno.”

Most search engines will suggest alternate terms that you may have been looking for if it can’t find much in the way of results. Sometimes it doesn’t always work. If you search for “SQL” on SQLServerCentral.com, it suggests “squall squeal sequel sexual sizzle.” What were the developers on this site thinking when they set this up? Something sexual, perhaps? Link from NTK.

Jeez, John … welcome to the party. Dave and many others have known this for a long time.

But this is typical Dvorak — while I love his columns, but he’s never been to keen as to what is actually going on online.

I’ve been giving Ken because he’s always telling me about all the wonderful new toys he’s bought. I’ve been giving him crap, saying that he’s a spoiled little bitch, telling him I was going to buy a domain dedicated to giving him crap about all his stuff. But he beat me to it: Ken has purchased SpoiledLittleBitch.com for “future use” 😉

Look no more! If you’re a girl, aged between 20 and 28, reasonably good looking and open-minded, you can stay in Athens in a beautiful house, free of charge.

What’s the catch?

You have to be the landlord’s lover for one night.

From the Smoking Gun: As if driving drunk and killing a guy weren’t bad enough, take a look at the t-shirt this Wisconsin mook was wearing when he got arrested.

I know I am.

From Ruminate.com:

My wife told me that picking my nose is disgusting. Great — now I’ve got to do it myself.

Finally breaking through all of the old grudges, confronting past hurts, and truly forgiving my ex-husband was easy. Giving him that hug that says “everything’s okay” was easy. The hard part was digging his dismembered corpse out of my flower bed.

I was fired from my job for peeing in my trash can. I know it was a gross thing to do, but I really had to go bad — and hey, I had my back to my students.

When my parents come to visit, I force them to smoke pot and do straight shots of whiskey. Hey, when you’re in MY house, you live by MY rules.

I just spent a good chunk of my lunch reading this. This guys works at an Autozone, and has documented all his stupid customer experiences. Some of them are downright scary. But all are damn funny. Link from BBspot.