Category: Funny
Boy is spanked by store owner for teaching bird to say f**k
What’s stupid though is that now the 64-year-old clock seller faces an assault charge. Full Story.
Radio star uses dead pig as boat
Animal rights activists are furious after a Norwegian comedian attached an engine to a dead pig and used it a boat. Full Story.
Thanks to Ole Valaker for the tip (remember, you can e-mail me anytime at jake at orty dot com with tips, or just fill out the e-mail form on every page in the right column!).
God created balance in Oregon by creating idiots
Joke I just got via e-mail:
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. “Where have you been?”
God signed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put Life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”
“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.” God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”
The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land mass and said, “What’s that one?”
“Ah,” said God. “That’s Oregon, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, deserts, streams, hills, mountains and forests. The people from Oregon are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!!!”
God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the idiots I put in Salem.”
(for those of you who don’t live in Oregon, Salem is Oregon’s capital/capitol/however you prefer to spell it)
Fun things to do with your wiener
Yes, this is a totally safe for work page, don’t worry. From Metafilter.
For those of you who have roommates of the opposite sex
Don’t play with yourself in the shower, otherwise you might find notes on your fridge like this.
Goatse in modern media?
A bit of background. Goatse is possibly the foulest image ever put on the internet: a man pulling open his anus so wide that you could stick a child’s head in it. I’m not even going to link to it, but if you want to type w-w-w-dot-g-o-a-t-s-e-dot-c-x into your browser, that’s your own right. The image became famous after trolls — people who like to spend time running up bandwidth for stupid posts on message boards — started linking to it on every board under the sun. And that’s where b3ta comes in. One of their forums members has painted a version of the image, and submitted to his local paper and got it printed.