Category: Funny

And one of the most colorful descriptions and e-mail exchanges gets posted. A damn funny read. Link via AllDumb.

Or so says the Random Celebrity Rumor Generator. It also says that Julia Roberts found Jesus just for attention, Sally Struthers got sassy with a stewardess after losing a bet, and Ed McMahon frolicked in manure for the hell of it.

You make predictions sometimes — every sports department at newspapers has probably done it. But this big of a screw up is horrible. So horrible it’s funny. Friday’s New York Post published an editorial in their print edition that said:

Despite holding a 3-2 lead in games over the Boston Red Sox, the Yankees couldn’t get the job done at home; their season ended last night in the seventh game of the American League Championship Series.

The thing was, the Yankees won in extra innings. Heck, even the folks across town knew that.

The flubbed editorial is obviously not online, but the Smoking Gun is all over it.

Needless to say, the goof-up was the talk of New York, with the New York Daily News making fun of them. For the NY Post, this was a big screw up, as they make their paychecks pointing out flaws in others — and they know this, so they’re making sure it doesn’t happen again.

This column is a classic, and puts a good spin on Rush’s pain-pill-popping saga. Link via Jack’s blog.

Leave it up to Jack Bogdanski to document what really happens when you have a 2nd kid. Like this tidbit: “6. You switch from man-to-man defense to zone.”

What happens when you take kids that have grown up in the Playstation generation and force them to play the old-school games that us older folks grew up with? You get a very funny article on Electronic Gaming Monthly. They interview the kids while they’re playing classics like Pong, Tetris, Donkey Kong, Super Mario Brother, and more. The kids are all between 9-12 years old, and the dialogue is priceless. One of my favorites is when they’re asking the kids who the girl is that Mario is trying to rescue in Donkey Kong:

EGM: Who’s that chick Mario is rescuing up there?

Brian: It’s Princess Peach.

Kirk: It’s a hooker.

Niko: She looks cut in half.

Tim: Oh wow?she’s one of those pole dancers.

And there are some other ones, too, that make me want to smack these kids. Regarding Tetris:

Tim: Which button do I press to make the blocks explode?

EGM: Sorry, they don’t explode.

Becky: This is boring. Maybe if it had characters and stuff and different levels, it would be OK. If things blew up or something or?

Sheldon: If there were bombs.

Becky: Yeah, or special bricks. Like, if a yellow brick touched a red brick it would blow up and you’d have to start over.

John: Why haven’t I won yet? I’ve paired up so many of the same color.

EGM: Don’t worry about colors.

John: I just lined up six of the same color. Why didn’t they blow up?

EGM: Nothing blows up.

This link was via Les who got it from someone who got it from someone who got it from somebody else entirely. But I think Les’s rant was the best, and sums up how I feel about these kids:

Why you snot-nosed little punk-assed brats! When I was yer age I didn’t have any of these fancy-schmancy 3D graphics and 5.1 surround sound! Why we was lucky if the games had recognizable characters and more than one plot objective AND WE LOVE EVERY FRIGGIN’ MINUTE OF IT! You spoiled little rugrats wouldn’t know a true gaming experience if it bit you right on your fat little asses! Now go fetch Grampa some more bourbon!

Well said.

Man, somebody put some clothes on that tiger. <shivers>

And he’s struck again:

We were standing in the kitchen when some guy opened up the back door, walked into the kitchen and started to masturbate,” Kraus said.

She identified the man as wearing khaki pants, a plaid shirt and an imitation of the mask used in the movie “Scream.” Kraus and Shannon said it took a minute for them to understand what was going on; they initially thought the person was a friend of theirs pulling a prank.

They have friends that would pull something like this? That’s disturbing.

Regardless, the guy’s been rumored to have been exposing himself around Eugene for a couple of years now. He’s probably the same guy that use to ride around campus on a bike wearing nothing but a thong. Eugene’s a cool town, but full of a lot of weirdos.

To quote the press release:

Cowboy boot lamps? Star spangled heart ornaments? Blue suede jackets? Catch a glimpse of the newest division of Smith & Wesson with the launch of a consumer catalog filled with everything for the home.

It goes on to say “Nearly 87 percent of Americans are familiar with the Smith & Wesson name.” Yes, they’re familar with it, but as a home decor supplier? I think of them as a company that makes guns. When I think Smith & Wesson and home decor, I think gun racks and ammo boxes, but that’s just me. Full story on Yahoo! News as well, original link via PRbop.

Then be sure to get your @f**khotmail.com e-mail redirect. You can now e-mail me at whowantsto {at} [f-word]hotmail {dot} com.