Category: Funny

Leave a dead cow in their parking lot.

Doctors have warned super model Jordon that her 34FF boobs could explode on jungle reality TV show. Full story.

Yoleo sent me these images taken by the Mars rover (click for larger version)

And the kids turns around and steals it (or at least tried to):

The young man was test driving a 1996 Cadillac Seville when the Brotherton Cadillac salesman accompanying him got out to use the ATM machine at the Bank of America branch at 300 Burnett Ave. S. When he did, the 14-year-old drove off in the car.

…

[A] motorcycle officer spotted the car at Talbot Road South and South Grady Way, and tried to stop it. The youthful driver ignored the lights and siren and continued south […]

A short chase ensued, now the kid faces various felony accounts. Idiots. Both of them.

A “news story” that I got via e-mail — and some of these jokes math geeks will appreciate…

At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, an official said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,”, he said. “They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like “x” and “y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns”, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. “As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle,” Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, he said “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.

“I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence,” he said, adding: “Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line.”

He warned, “These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex.”

He said, “As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertain of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks….”

Quoting helpjohngetdivorced.com…

I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t pissed off at my future ex-wife, however, I am not bitter about our divorce. Quite the contrary, I would like to move on with my life, but she is not allowing this.

The purpose of this website is to poke a little fun at my divorce and show the absurdity of not only my ex-wife, but the whole divorce process.

So how can you help me get divorced? You really can’t, but I just thought having a website named helpjohngetdivorced.com was catchy and easy to remember.

If you miss the TV Show, you can find Beavis committing crime here in Oregon. Link via BuzzMachine.

Police believe teenage pranksters are hacking into the wireless frequency of a US Burger King drive-through speaker to tell potential customers they are too fat for fast food. The pranksters told one customer who had just placed an order: “You don’t need a couple of Whoppers. You are too fat. Pull ahead.” Full Story.

Amazon’s founder is lampooned in a hidden easter egg on Amazon’s Web site (search for “old fart”). In case Amazon takes it down, it goes here.

Great signature I saw in an email today:

Some Democrats are talking seriously about Hillary Clinton running for president in 2004. I don’t think they are serious — I think they are trying to get Rush Limbaugh to go back on drugs.