Surfing The Web So You Don't Have To
That’s sort of the way I’m reading this press release. It says “Nearly half of Oregon employers treat their employees well to help reduce turnover, according to the results of a recent survey.” So do the other 50% just not give a rip?
Just something to think about.
I don’t know where Barney got this image, but I would love to be driving down the highway and see this:
You’ve probably seen those image captchas that make it so that you have to type in a code from an image before you can submit information on a form. For example, some people have implemented this MovableType plugin to block bots from submitting comment forms. It’s effective against comment spam, but screws with accessibility.
Anyhow, I generally don’t have a problem with them, but this one I saw on Register.com’s Whois Page (you have to put a URL in the field before you can see it) is nearly impossible to translate:
Am I the only one that has a hard time reading that? I couldn’t actually get through that one, so I had to cancel and try it again with a more readable captcha. The rest of them looked a bit better (and the only reason I was using Register.com’s Whois is because the domain was registered there and I wanted to get as much info as I could), but they’re still much harder to read than the typical captcha.
Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?
Customer: Hi, I’d like to place an order.
Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.
Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it’s 6102049998-45-54610.
Operator: Thank you Mr Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email address is [email protected]. Which number are you calling from sir?
Customer: Huh? I’m at home. Where’d you get all this information?
Operator: We’re wired into the HSS, sir.
Customer: The HSS, what is that?
Operator: We’re wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.
Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.
Operator: I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.
Customer: Whaddya mean?
Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.
Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?
Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.
Customer: What makes you think I’d like something like that?
Operator: Well, you checked out ‘Gourmet Soybean Recipes’ from your local library last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.
Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.
Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.
Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.
Operator: I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.
Customer: I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.
Operator: That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn also.
Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?
Operator: We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick’em up while you’re out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.
Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?
Operator: It says here you’re in appears on your car payments, so your car got repo’ed. But your Harley’s paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.
Customer: Well, I’ll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#
Operator: I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
Customer: (speechless)
Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?
Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.
Operator: I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.
Thanks Barney for that.
A man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some “Polish Sausage”.
The clerk looked at him and asked “Are you Polish?”
The guy, clearly offended, says “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh, Would Ya”
The clerk says, “Well no”
“And if I asked you for some Irish Whiskey, would you ask me if I was Irish? What about Canadian Bacon, would you ask me if I was Canadian?”
“Well, I probably wouldn’t.”
With self-indignation, the guy says, “Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I asked for Polish Sausage?”
The clerk replies, “Because you’re at Home Depot”.
Thanks to Bob for the joke.
I mentioned before how easy it is to do some damage to networks and printers with Google. McAfee is releasing a tool that will make it easier.
McAfee has released an update to its tool that uses Google to automatically search for security holes in Web sites.
SiteDigger 2.0, delivered on Monday, looks for information about a Web site’s security by sending specific queries to Google’s Web database. Known as Google hacking, such searches can turn up easily exploitable flaws and sensitive information, including credit card numbers and user account information.
While this tool is supposed to be for Webmasters looking for holes in their servers, this could also easily be used for folks looking to do something nefarious. Link via SEW Blog.
I find I have late fee on my credit card that I don’t think I deserve. So I call my credit card company to dispute the $29 late payment fee because I tried making the payment online (in plenty of time) but their online payment system was going bonkers.
After spending an hour last night getting the right number (because apparently there’s a special 800-number for online payment disputes and it’s not accessible via their annoying main menu on the phone), I steal time away from my busy as hell day here at work to call them (as they’re only available during working hours) . So I call them, asking about this charge. The payment was a day late because their system was screwed up (somehow it takes four-days for online payments to clear, which is horsecrap). So I asked why I was getting charged a massive late fee when it was their site that was screwed up? The lady says to me that if I “would’ve called when the problem was happening, they could’ve done something.” Oh, that’s good to know, and where was this information? Considering I had to wait on hold for an hour last night just to get the 800 number for the online payment department, I doubt this information was easily accessible somewhere.
And then she says what every Web and computer geek like me hates to hear:
“It was probably a browser issue and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
What a bunch of crap.
“I tried to access the site in four different browsers on two different platforms, two different net connections, ran a traceroute and tried accessing it directly via IP address (after I ran a lookup on the server it was trying to access). The server was down, and was for several hours that night. This was not ‘a browser issue.'”
I was pretty fired up.
“There’s nothing you can do about it?”
“No sir.”
“OK, then I’ll be cancelling this card next week and calling Citibank.” (CitiBank was the only one I could think of off the top of my head)
I was expecting her to say “Oh, we’re sorry, sir, here’s a refund on the late payment.” What did she say?
“That’s fine, thank you for your business.”
I can not truly believe that this lady is throwing away business. Generally, credit card companies want to keep their folks as much as possible (it is a billion-dollar industry, after all), so I was totally floored when she said that.
True to my word, however, I’ll be paying the late fee, and will be cancelling this card next week. I have a credit score of 780, so I don’t think I should have to put up with this crap. And I won’t.
Anybody have any good recommendations for a credit card?
I’m amazed somebody didn’t do this before. This guy called every single 867-5309 number in the U.S. and reported on the results. If you don’t know the significance of that number, there is a popular 80s song by Tommy Tutone called “Jenny (867-5309)” about a guy finding a girl’s name and number on a wall and he wants to call it. The song led to telephone lines getting jammed when the song first came out, which led to the rumor that telephone companies don’t give the number out or discontinued every 867-5309 out there. Obviously, this guy proved that wrong.
I like Penny Arcade. I also like Non Sequitur. But I have to agree with Gabe on this one that Wiley screwed this one up. Web publishing is a very strong medium, and he’ll realize that soon enough — especially considering what Penny Arcade has done over the years.
More background on the fights here. Links via Waxy.
…would somebody spend $20,000 on a snowball or $5,200 on a half-eaten banana. Granted, the bids were probably fake, but idiots just the same. Thanks Jenn (Barney’s niece) and Susan for these links.