Category: Funny

It’s Like Wikipedia Gone Bad

It’s the Uncyclopedia. There are some hilarious entries there, like this bit about Ann Coulter:

Ann was born as John in Salt Lake City, Utah to polygamist Mormon parents. She had one daddy and twelve mommies. She does not know which one was her “real” mommy because she was such an annoying brat as a child that they all claimed she was the child of one of the other women. A recent search of her birth records, however, has revealed that she was the daughter of none of them; she is the spawn of Satan (a.k.a. Barry Manilow) and Barbra Streisand, who paid the Mormon polygamists to raise Ann as one of their own. Ann, however, remains unaware of her parentage. She is likely to remain in the dark, as she is illiterate.

Or this excerpt from an entry on Oprah:

Oprah Winfrey (born April 1, 1337) is a woman seeking world domination disguised as an innocent talk show host. Most people are not aware that she is evil due to her cunning and manipulative nature. Some specialists claim she has superhuman powers, which would classify her as a supervillain. (She has been known to devour a whole universe in a single gulp.)

Oprah was born into a dysfunctional family of circus clowns. When she was a teenager, she ran away to escape her abusive pet cat, Skanks. Fleeing to and creating the village on the Island of L’aard, Oprah became a woman. She acquired a very sizable sum of money by robbing churches and performing coat hanger abortions under the light of the full moon. Oprah invested this money in Microsoft stock; now she has more money than Bill Gates. She once killed a bear on live television, then ate its entrails while the audience looked on in horror, afraid to move lest they be the next target of consumption. The next day the subject of Oprah’s program was how to deal with the trauma caused by watching talk show hosts eat bear entrails. There was much crying, and only a few casualties. Actually everyone died.

Thanks a hundred places for that link.

Worst Tattoo Ever?

Actually, I think it’s a downright hilarious tattoo (possibly NSFW, depending on if your boss allows you to see butt cracks at work).

Everybody Dance Now

This is why hidden cameras are great. A college guy gets funky while his roommate secretly records the impressive dance routine.

Star Wars Fans Will Believe Anything

Thanks to a single e-mail, Star Wars fan boys (and mainstream media outlets around the world) were convinced of that certain actors were going to be in Star Wars Episode III. Full Story.

What NOT To Do With Your Freezer

This is what happens when you don’t bother to even look in your freezer in your garage for months:

That was after it had been sitting in the direct sun for 90 minutes. I guess prior to this, the doors were completely frozen over as well. That bag of ice sitting on the ground was discovered after some of the frost had melted off. The freezer was pulled out of a house a friend of mine deals with here in Sunriver, and nobody had bothered to use/check that freezer since they installed a nicer refrigerator (with freezer) in the house.

An hour later, things melted down a bit more, and this was found:

Yes, that’s some leftover chicken. God only knows how long that’s been buried in the frost in there.

My recommendation? Just take the thing to the dump and burn it.

Still Looking For That Right Lady?

Just follow the advice of the Bible, and you’ll easily find your perfect mate.

Why Craigslist is Fun

I only wish we had a Craigslist for Central Oregon (they exist for Eugene and Portland). The great thing about Craigslist (which has newspapers shaking) is its user-centered focus, and free listings. It’s very quickly bringing in traffic that might usually go to a local newspaper.

The problem with such popularity is the whack-jobs it can bring out. But the best part is when you know how to have fun with the loonies that show up on there.

Like this guy, who, using Craiglist LA, is trying to recreate the A-Team. Some got the joke, some were deadly serious about helping.

And then there’s the lady that replies to some of the sick perversion personals ads on there and posts the conversations on her blog.

There are some genuinely sick and twisted people out there, that’s for sure. I’m just glad we have the Internet so we can all share in their weirdness and feel better in knowing that, compared to these people, we’re all completely normal.

Are You Drunk?

Just fill out this form and find out. Or have your non-drunk friend do it for you.

Sponsor An NHL Player

Please, think about their modest needs in this time of crisis. Just listen to this fund raising advertisement and don’t tell me it doesn’t make you feel sorry for them (linking on my old server, which is still alive for another couple weeks — will mirror here when that site goes down or if it runs too slow).

Begging For Nookie

If you’re trying to get something special from that special lady of yours, make sure that nobody can hear you.