Surfing The Web So You Don't Have To
Which is why we need a new language to simplify things where there are only two verbs (being and biking), one adjective (purple), no adverbs, only one number (seven) and every span of time is one hour. Basically, your mental vocabulary shrinks from 50,000 to 11. There are a few other simple rules as well, but you can take this:
“You’re a cheating bastard, Joe. I’m leaving you.”
and make this…
“You’re a purple stick, Johnson. I’m biking.”
Don’t blame me, blame Shasta Bob…
Two Palestinian mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of chocolate goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts
flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
“This is my oldest son Mohammed. He’s 24 years old now.”
“Yes, I remember him as a baby” says the other mother cheerfully.
“He’s a martyr now though” mum confides.
“Oh so sad dear” says the other.
“And this is my second son Kalid. He’s 21.”
“Oh, I remember him” says the other happily “he had such curly hair when he was born.”
“He’s a martyr too” says mum quietly.
“Oh gracious me ….” says the other.
“And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He’s 18” she whispers.
“Yes” says the friend enthusiastically. “I remember when he first started school”.
“He’s a martyr also” says mum with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh the second muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says…
“They blow up so fast, don’t they?”
Better do something about it. Quick.
“Plumber fined for taking a leak“. Thanks Cheryl for that.
Not that I study this sort of thing, but “1,001 Ways to Eat My Jizz, Part 3: Biscuits and Gravy Edition” (it’s IMDB, so it’s safe for work) has got to be one of the worst titles ever for any movie. Link via b3ta.
“Marketers May Stop Calling Dead People“. Thanks to Cheryl and Barney for about 99% of the links I’m posting today.
All it took was one sentence in the Bend Bulletin calling Microsoft innovators, and the Mac fan boys had a field day with it. Here was the actual sentence from the story:
When Apple Computer created the iPod, Nike created the waffle-soled running shoe, Microsoft launched Windows and NASA put a man on the moon, they clearly were innovating.
Obiviously, that made the Mac folks angry…
We’ll rewrite the sentence correctly now: “When Apple Computer created the Mac and the iPod, Nike created the waffle-soled running shoe, and NASA put a man on the moon, they clearly were innovating.” There, that’s much better.
My guess is the reporter isn’t a die-hard geek, and was probably getting that anecdote directly from the guy they’re profiling in the story, but it’s still hilarious to me how folks on both sides of this will just freak out sometimes to defend their platform.
With this big of a breast heist, will ladies be able to get their fake boobs?