Surfing The Web So You Don't Have To
A recent Harris On-line poll 38562 men across the US were asked to identify woman’s ultimate fantasy.
97.8% of the respondents said (correctly) that a woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.
While this has been verified by a recent sociological study it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
Jury Clears Cow in Car Accident. Good — wouldn’t want to be out blaming cows on things for no good reason.
Joke via e-mail…
Until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after “original and proprietary” research they are proud to present the results.
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent……………………………12 Calories
Without her consent……………………….2187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands……………………………8 Calories
With one hand……………………………..12 Calories
With your teeth……………………………485 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection…………………………….6 Calories
Without an erection……………………….3315 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary…………………………………..12 Calories
Wheelbarrow………………………………216 Calories
Doggy Style………………………………..326 Calories
Italian chandelier………………………..2912 Calories
ORGASMS:
Real………………………………….112 Calories
Fake……………………………………..1315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging………………………18 Calories
Getting up immediately…………………….36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately…….816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years………………………………36 Calories
30-39 years………………………………80 Calories
40-49 years………………………………124 Calories
50-59 years………………………………1972 Calories
60-69 years………………………………7916 Calories
70 and over………………………………Results are still pending
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly……………………………………………..32 Calories
In a hurry……………………………………………..98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door………..5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door…………13,521 Calories
Results may vary.
A 14-year-old UK boy developed deep vein thrombosis — a condition normally associated with older people flying on long-distance airplane trips — after kneeling all day in the same position obsessively playing Xbox. Thanks to Mike for the link.
I know I’ve got a nice pile of snow next to my driveway that will be there until June. I wish I would’ve thought of doing this first…
Thanks Barney for the pic.
This just goes to show that anybody can get a credit card, if they really want one.
The dog, named Clifford, lives with his owner in Livermore, Calif., in the San Francisco Bay Area. Clifford’s owner, Steve Borba, said he was tired of getting spam e-mails, so he signed up for an e-mail account using the name Clifford J. Dog. Eventually, a pre-approved credit card application arrived addressed to Clifford J. Dog, and Borba sent it in as a joke.
I’m going straight to hell for this — thanks Joke A Day…
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, “There’s something he’s needing’ .”
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
‘Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth. Ruined the whole fucking thing.
I know we’ve all had co-workers (nothing sexist, but they’re generally women) that have annoyed the hell out of us by their banshee-like singing. That being said, this video made me laugh.
BTW: Forgot to mention that the whiny bastard Gregg sent me this. 😉
If your president has a last name like G.W. does, you’re bound to see headlines like this. Thanks Barney for the tip.