Category: Funny

Barney just sent me this joke:

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 45 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, “Oh, Shit!”

Only the states of North Carolina, West Virginia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas and Alabama were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were “Hold my beer and watch this!”

I don’t usually link to political blog posts, but I found this very entertaining. Thanks Roger for the link.

I know that when I get going independent on a more regular basis, I have to make sure I setup a rate card like this:

* $150/hr Standard Rate

* $200/hr if you want it NOW

* $250/hr if you want to watch over my shoulder while I work

* $300/hr if you want to help

* $400/hr if you worked on it first

Along the same lines, Richard’s thinking about charging double for table-based designs. I don’t blame him. I just couldn’t get away with that as my CSS skills are pretty crappy right now.

Screw creating fancy cases out of molding and etched metals and pretty case windows and lights, I prefer the computers made out of edible materials — like this Pumpkin PC. Link via b3ta.

New Dads: Just in case you needed to be told, having sex with the babysitter is bad.

With a domain like this, you’d probably be expecting something else. Via Dave Barry.

To “put some English on it” means to give it a spin. To “make it Irish” means to add alcohol to it. So what does it mean when you “Put Some American On It”? Fark has a few ideas.

Forward Barney sent me. Anybody know the source? Update Original is here.

CANADA REFUSES TO CHANGE ITS NAME TO RONALD REAGAN

Republicans Blast Canadians as ‘Ingrates’

Canada today rebuffed a proposal made by Republicans in Congress to change its name to Ronald Reagan.

The controversial proposal, which appeared to have broad backing from congressional Republicans, was suggested as a way for Canada to show its appreciation for the kindness and friendship that Mr. Reagan extended during his eight years as president.

But moments after the proposal was floated, Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin gave the notion of renaming his country Ronald Reagan a frosty thumbs-down.

“Canada has no intention of changing its name to Ronald Reagan, Ronald McDonald or Ronald anything else,” Mr. Martin said in a speech to Parliament. “For one thing, it would require a total rewrite of the song ‘O Canada.'”

But in Congress, leading Republicans said that renaming the Canadian national anthem “O Ronald Reagan” was “no biggie” and attributed selfish motives to Canada’s refusal.

“After all Ronald Reagan did for them, these Canadians are acting like a bunch of ingrates,” said Senator James M. Inhofe (R-OK). “It’s no wonder some of them speak French, if you catch my meaning.”

Mr. Inhofe said that if Canada held fast to its position, the U.S. would ask Mexico or possibly England to change its name, “but if all else fails, there’s always Iraq.”

Elsewhere, the Bush re-election campaign announced today that after a week-long hiatus, it would resume airing blistering attack ads about Sen. John Kerry(D-MA) at 12:01 AM Saturday.

The ads will air on a relentless, round-the-clock basis in every state of the country because, in the words of Bush strategist Karl Rove, “We have a week’s worth of catching up to do.”

A funny that came from the Downhold mailing list Barney is on:

Did you catch the Clintons dozing at the church ceremony for Reagan?

It’s the first time they have slept together in years.

I was at Network Solutions‘ web site today, as they denied a transfer from their services to Go Daddy, so I was going to figure out what was going on. I noticed this image on the front page of their site, and thought to myself a couple of things:

1. If you squint, the guy looks like Dane.
2. He must have some pretty powerful powerful glasses, as they enable him to read his newspaper that’s been printed backwards.