I’ve never been a big fan of most new artists, especially Ashlee Simpson. But after I heard about her screw up on SNL last night, I had to find out more about it. Basically what happened is that during her 2nd musical number, she tried to play a Milli Vanilli by lip-syncing the song (which some artists are bound to do on SNL — no talent hack jobs, that is), but the wrong song got cued up and started before she was ready. All on live TV. So she started what looked like a hoedown dance, and walked off the stage. There’s a video here, and more comments about the whole thing on the NBC-hosted SNL forums (I’m linked to page four because that’s where the discussion starts).
Category: Funny
An Anti-Democrat Joke
This one’s for Josh, another Bend blogger, to prove that I can laugh at both sides, because, really, all politicians are idiots…
Once upon a time, long, long ago there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election. Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final winner. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the (manly) way to settle things.
The candidate who catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote and cold lake in Wisconsin. There were to be no observers present and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification.
At the end of the first day, George W. returns to the headquarters and he has 10 fish.
Soon, Kerry, who has answers to everything, but no plan, returns and has zero fish.
Well, everyone assumes he is just having another bad hair day or something and hopefully, he will catch up the next day.
At the end of the 2nd day George W. comes in with 20 fish and Kerry comes in again with none.
That evening, Bill Clinton gets together secretly with Kerry and says, “I think George W. is a lowlife cheatin’ son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.
The next night (after George W. comes back with 50 fish), Clinton says to Kerry, “Well, what about it, is George W. cheatin?”
“He sure is, Bill, he’s cutting holes in the ice.”
Joke sent to me from Barn, who got it from a local politician whose name I won’t mention until the election’s over, just so I don’t get in trouble. I didn’t vote for him, but I didn’t vote against him, either.
Dopes Throw Out Dope
If you’re going to dispose of garbage, there are some things you shouldn’t do:
- By no means should you leave the garbage on somebody else’s lawn.
- By no means should you include your old bills and mail that has you name and addresses on there.
- By no means should you put your marijuana remnants in there.
But see, people aren’t that smart. Like these local potheads who not only did all of the above, but actually came by to pick up the garbage after the homeowner, finding their names in the trash, called them to have them come get it. The homeowner also called the police, who were waiting there for the dopes. After a search of the moron’s home, they found about 8.5 pounds of marijuana, more than $17,000 in cash and several firearms.
Irony is Sweet
Texas congressmen Pete Sessions, who wrote a column condemning Janet Jackson’s nude display during her 2004 Super Bowl halftime performance, is featured in a 1974 newspaper article showing him streaking.
I Can’t Wait Until Best Buy Comes To Bend
I don’t know if I mentioned it here, but Best Buy is coming to Bend. The first thing I’m going to do? Go there with a handful of floppies encoded with this, stick them in all their computers, reboot them, and run away. And then I’m going to find a way to do this to my local Wal-Mart. Thanks to Chelsea for the Wal-Mart link.
We Didn’t Vote For Him
You have to love it when political statements appear on clothing tags.
Update on 10/21: Apparently you can have this infamous tag printed up on a T-shirt. Thanks William!
Corvallis Man’s TV Sends out Distress Signal
Somehow, a Corvallis man’s TV was sending out a signal on the international distress frequency of 121.5 MHz. The 121.5 MHz frequency signal was picked up by an orbiting search and rescue satellite, which informed the Air Force Rescue Coordination Center at Langley Air Force Base in Virginia, who then called into Benton County Search and Rescue to have them help determine the source of the signal. After a great deal of searching, they narrowed it down to the guy’s TV in his apartment, that had, just two weeks earlier, left its warranty period (it was probably crying out for help). Toshiba, the company that made the TV, was as confused as anybody as to what was going on, but replaced the TV free of charge. Full Story.
Don’t Know How To Move Your iMac?
In case people need directions on how to move your iMac, Apple Support to the rescue.
The Keyboard for Chatroom/IM Idiots
I think the best feature about this keyboard layout is that it doesn’t include an “@” so the idiots that talk like that can’t e-mail anybody. Link via b3ta.
“Sir, Have You Been Drinking Tonight?”
I’ve actually never watched Reno 911, but after seeing this hilarious video clip, I might have to start. Thanks to my parents for this link.