Month: September 2004

My parents both grew up in Forest Grove, and I’m related to at least 1/2 of the town, I would guess. And after reading this story, I can say a) I know roughly where that lady lives, and b) It probably came pretty close to hitting my cousin’s house:

FOREST GROVE, Ore. – An unwelcome guest recently crashed into Barbara Vreeland’s home: the cremated remains of a Washington man.

The 46-year-old man died of natural causes in June. He wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered over Mountain View Memorial Gardens, a cemetery near Vreeland’s home, Forest Grove police Capt. Aaron Ashbaugh said Tuesday.

Family members told police the bag of ashes slipped as they were circling the cemetery in a small plane they had hired for the day.

The 4-pound bag crashed through Vreeland’s roof and landed in the attic.

Key quote: “I feel for those people. But I think some of their relative is still in our attic.”

Forward off that thar Interweb thing.

• I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
• I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
• I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
• I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
• I’ve broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
• I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
• I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
• I refused to allow inspector’s access to U.S. “prisoners of war” detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
• I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
• I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
• I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
• I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
• I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
• I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
• I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.
• In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
• I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
• I am supporting development of a nuclear “Tactical Bunker Buster,” a WMD.
• I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

• All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father’s library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
• All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
• All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.