Month: August 2004
Man Builds Jet-Powered Wheelchair
The thing can do 60 MPH without much trouble (the article has a good action shot of the thing). He gave the chair to his mother-in-law — probably in an attempt to get rid of her. Full Story.
People Are Dumb
This is the last time I’m saying this. I cannot help you cancel your AOL account, nor can I help you get in touch with Michael Jackson (nor do I know anything about his plastic surgery habits).
People are dumb, they really are.
News in Haiku
Been meaning to blog about this site for quite a while, but got motivated after seeing that Rob linked to it. suchlike.net: news in haiku, is a brilliantly done site where every day, the author comes up with a haiku using the day’s news. The haikus include relevant links as part of the haiku. Very well done.
Republican Convention Schedule Revised — Again
I posted a few days ago an entertaining looks at what the RNC schedule might look like. I just got another one from Barney that’s pretty dang entertaining:
6:00 PM – Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM – Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM – Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)
6:45 PM – Salute to the “Coalition of the Willing”
6:46 PM – Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on “Are Elections Really Necessary?”
7:30 PM – Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
7:35 PM – Trent Lott – “Re-segregation in the 21st Century”
7:40 PM – EPA Address #1: “Mercury: It’s What’s for Dinner”
8:00 PM – Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM – Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM – John Ashcroft Lecture: “The Homos Are After Your Children”
8:30 PM – Round table discussion on reproductive rights (Men Only)
8:50 PM – Seminar #2: “Corporations: The Government of the Future”
9:00 PM – Condi Rice sings “Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man”
9:05 PM – Phyllis Schlafly speaks on “Why Women Shouldn’t Be Leaders”
9:10 PM – EPA Address #2: “Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires”
9:30 PM – Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM – Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM – Karl Rove Lecture: “Doublespeak Made Simple”
10:30 PM – Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: “How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel Squishy Inside”
10:35 PM – Bush demonstration of trademark “deer in headlights” stare
10:40 PM – John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM – GOP’s Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & Condi Rice
10:46 PM – Ann Coulter’s Tribute to “Joe McCarthy, American Patriot”
10:50 PM – Seminar #3: “Education: A Drain on Our Nation’s Economy”
11:10 PM – Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM – John Ashcroft Lecture: “Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult”
11:30 PM – Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM – Blame Clinton
11:40 PM – Newt Gingrich speaks on “The Sanctity of Marriage”
11:41 PM – Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
11:50 PM – Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 Mid – Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
Kids Should Never Have To Go Through This
I haven’t been blogging today as I’ve been busy with homeland duties. Was just going to not even blog anything today (hey, everbody needs a break) but I did want to share something, since I have a feeling I’m going to be up for a while now.
My sister-in-law let my wife and I know a couple of hours ago that she had to take my niece (she’s six-years-old) to the hospital. Apparently on their trip back from the Salem today, she was puking all the way home, and feeling really cruddy. Just to make sure nothing was wrong, they took her into the E.R.
I just got a phone call from my wife, who went over there to help my sister-in-law with her two other kids. The diagnosis? She’s going to have to be operated on as she has appendicitis and her appendix needs to be removed. She’s currently waiting for a spot in the operating room and for the on-call surgeon to get prepared.
Nobody should have to go through that, especially a sweet little six-year-old. My heart and prayers go out to her. Don’t expect much tomorrow as not only will I be trying to get a pile of stuff done at work, but I’ll undoubtedly be exhausted.
Revised Republican National Convention Schedule
Republican Convention Schedule, Revised
6:00pm – Opening prayer
6:15pm – Supplementary opening prayer
6:30pm – Prayer in thanks of first two prayers
6:45pm – New energy policy presented by Exxon
7:00pm – Canonization of Reagan
7:15pm – Additional prayers
7:30pm – Opening remarks by Halliburton
8:00pm – Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken “Kenny-boy” Lay
8:15pm – Additional remarks by Halliburton
8:30pm – Stoning of the first homosexual
8:45pm – New healthcare polices presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente
9:00pm – Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA)
9:15pm – Halliburton contributes 1.4 billion to Republican party
9:30pm – Reagan elevated to savior, Holy Trinity now referred to as “the quads”
9:45pm – Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan
10:00pm – Chaney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr. Tells him to go f–k himself
10:15pm – Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea (Bush: “Damn, the SOUTH is our ally. My bad.”)
10:30pm – Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin
10:45pm – Dancing around the golden calf
11:00pm – Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual
11:15pm – New forestry policy presented by Weyerhaeuser
11:45pm – Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president
12:00pm – Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am)
(Thanks to Barney for This Forward)
Tricks of The Trade
A fascinating article about various occupations’ little tricks that keeps them going. They have a pile of them from balloon twister to lounge pianist to lawyer to waitress. They’re all little useful tips that will go a long way. Link via kottke.
Canceling AOL Isn’t Easy
They make it very difficult sometimes. Of course, I mentioned a while back how a guy managed to cancel it in 3 minutes, but I’m only linking back to that posting because some of the comments on that entry really show the intelligence level of some AOL folks.