Then send them a letter! Amy has posted a couple of form letters you can send to site publishers: one for the general public, and for journalists. I know I’ll be printing these up and sending them to a few places.
Month: March 2004
Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity
“John Stossel” and “journalist” aren’t words that I’d generally put in the same sentence, but sometimes he does do some reports that are pretty entertaining and well done. This one, sent to me by Barney, is a transcript from his “Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity” of the notion that America is destroying its forests. And he’s absolutely right: For groups like Sierra Club to survive, they have to scare the hell out of people, and for Weyerhaeuser paper folks to survive, they need to make themselves sound like environmentalists. In between lie us moderates. Read on for the full entertaining transcript…
That’s some good lasagna, man!
Five year old sprinkles dope on cafeteria lasagna. I’m sure he’s seen mommy sprinkle dry green stuff on hers, and when he found her stash, thought it was oregano, and just assumed it was for food. So I blame the mommy, not the kid.
This is why I love Timex
I’ve always liked Timex’s Ironman line of watches. I had the original Timex Ironman 100 up until last year after about 8 years of hard abuse it finally broke (it survived three fairly nasty bike wrecks, but finally bit it when it got a little over-watered — go figure). I’ve always had good luck with them, which is why I continue to buy them.
About a month ago, my new watch broke. Being that it was on warranty with Timex, I e-mailed them, they gave me an address to send it to, and they told me it would cost $7.50 to fix and ship it back. I received the watch back a couple weeks later with the bill for $7.50 and while one problem was fixed, another cropped up. I e-mailed Timex, telling them that I wasn’t about to send back my watch again to have it fixed.
Their support reps e-mailed me back today, told me they’d be shipping me a brand new watch, along with a pre-paid mailer to send back my old one (assuming the one they send me works OK and I’m satisfied with it). Now that is how customer service is supposed to be, and I give kudos to Timex for taking care of me like they should.
It’s refreshing in to be well taken care of after I’ve spent literally months trying to get this item from this eBay dealer (TelePlus in Houston, Texas). First, they send me the wrong headset, so I send it back (at my expense), they send me the wrong one again (after sending it to the incorrect address twice), and then they want me to foot the bill to ship it back to them for my refund when they had already said they’d have UPS come and get it. It was probably the most unpleasant eBay experience I’ve ever had. Needless to say, they’ve been given negative feedback from me, and I certainly won’t be dealing with them anytime soon.
Spring Break Sucks
Why does it suck? Mostly because I’m not in school anymore and don’t get to sleep in all week. I’m stuck here at work during one of the busiest weeks here. I was looking forward to actually getting some of the long-overdue projects done because the boss is out of the town and not nagging me for stupid crap, but I’ve yet to even dive into most of them. And I know if I don’t get anything done before he comes back, it won’t get done. Ugh… .
Another Bend Blogger
Jon found this one and it’s been added to the Blogroll: Brainside Out (which, if you read the domain wrong like I originally did, it reads like “Bra Inside Out”).
Marketing Techniques and Terminology
Another joke from Shasta Bob…
The buzz word in today’s business world is MARKETING. However, people often confuse marketing, spam, public relations, advertising and sales, etc., so here is a simple explanation of “Marketing.”
OK, let’s suppose you’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Direct Marketing.
You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed.”
That’s Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Telemarketing.
You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I,” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Public Relations.
You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”
That’s Brand Recognition.
You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.
That’s Sales.
Your friend can’t satisfy him so she calls you.
That’s Tech Support.
You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”
That’s Spam.
You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and gropes your breast and grabs your ass.
That’s Arnold Schwarzenegger!
You liked it, but 20 years later your attorney decides you were offended.
That’s America!
FCC tries to ban “F-Word”
They’ve already banned the “F-Word” and now, according the the Plausible News Service and a forward from Barney and the Well, they’re going to just ban the use of the very phrase, the “F-Word”.
The Federal Communications Commission, as part of its ongoing crackdown on obscenity following the Janet Jackson Super Bowl debacle, has announced that the very term “F-word,” which is used to refer to an obscene word for the sexual act, will be banned from all broadcast media beginning July 1.
“Everybody knows what ‘F-word’ means,” said FCC Chairman Michael Powell, describing the new regulations to the Congressional Subcommittee on Moral Purity chaired by Rep. Henry Hyde (R-IL). “So saying ‘F-word’ should be subject to the same kinds of sanctions as saying — well, you know.”
Discussion among the Congresspeople present soon led to other concerns. “Well, what about when people use words like ‘frigging’?” asked Rep. Walter Jones (R-NC). “And then there are all these other variations, like ‘fugging’ and I don’t know what all.”
“Hey, don’t forget about ‘doing the nasty,'” said Rep. Dana Rohrbacher (R-CA). “And what’s this about ‘doing the butter-churn’? And didn’t we have some guy on the radio referring to his sexual glands as ‘apricots’ or something? Should they be able to get away with stuff like that?”
“I think that was ‘avocados,'” said Rep. Jones.
“Well, whatever it was, it’s not acceptable. I understand there are even special sound effects involved,” said Rohrbacher.
“We should probably look at all those matters as well,” said Powell, who later announced a full-fledged investigation into attempts to circumvent obscenity restrictions. “The use of euphemisms and code words to transmit obscene content will not be tolerated,” said Powell
Who invented the smiley?
This guy did, when he thought of using it on a online bulletin board (a precursor to the modern-day newsgroup).
Want pink piss?
After you take a bright green crap, make sure you eat a large jar of pickled beetroot to get that nice pink glow.