You order, but never pay for, pop-under ads on damn-near every site on the planet. Then you file for Chapter 11. X10, the self-proclaimed worlds largest advertiser, sold those home-automation and security toys and cameras. Really, I’ll be glad to never see their pop-unders again.
Month: October 2003
Men: If you see these things, destroy them
To quote Ars Technica, where I got this link:
What happens when sex obsessed engineers are presented with the complexity of the female orgasm? They invent the Orgasmatron! The small device, about the size of a walkman, attaches to a woman’s ankles and reportedly takes her to the very edge of orgasm through electrical current which proponents claim stimulates nerve centers attached to the pelvis.
I won’t touch this one — I’d probably say something sexist that will caused me to get smacked. But men, the last thing your significant others need is something else they can use to replace you in the sack. If you see these on sale, destroy them.
Man, before you know it, women will just bring stripping men with them wherever they go, sticking them in their pockets. Oh wait…they can already do that.
Do NOT play this game
Otherwise, you won’t be able to quit this stupidly addicting, simple, flash game of paper-wad basketball. My consecutive record? A paltry six. Man, I suck.
What really makes the new Office 2003 different?
Check out this easy to follow comparison chart for reference on the new features in MS Office 2003 compared to past versions.
I don’t know what scares me more
That this girl can play this well, that she’s three years old, or that she’s a better percussionist than me. The b3ta guys think she’s a full-grown midget, which would certainly explain this.
Brits are evil bastards
Or at least b3ta folks are. Check out this thread on their forums about pure evil pranks that folks on the boards have done. There are a lot of sick, twisted stunts on there — which means I’ll be printing the thing up for future reference.
Ducks: 35, Stanford: Donut
I got back late yesterday from watching the Ducks beat up Stanford 35-0. What a fun game to watch. The best series? When the Ducks stopped seven (there was a personal-foul penalty that gave them the first down) Stanford attempts at a touchdown, all within the two yard line. The place was going wild.
The other most entertaining thing at the game? This was a tie: One goes to the woman I saw outside the stadium wearing a very tight shirt. What did the shirt say? “Objects under shirt are larger than they appear.” My Dad and I got a good kick out of that.
Secondly, anybody who’s been to a Duck game knows about Autzen Stadium’s “DuckVision” (basically, a big ol’ frickin’ big-screen TV at one end of the stadium). Quite often, they will show individual fans on the screen, thanks to some camera folks who wander around the stadium shooting video. Well, this one camera man was showing this one lady up on the screen, and she started to pull up her shirt. Needless to say, the camera turned away in a hurry.
Speaking of college football, I’m sure Ken was happy. Not only did they broadcast College Game Day from his campus, but his school went on to clobber undefeated N. Illinois. Nice job, Bowling Green!
Welcome, spend your money, now go home
Just got this sent from a friend of mine (Update: OK apparently my friend is on the same mailing lists I’m on, as this was published in the LangaList, I just hadn’t gotten to that in my inbox yet). It was written for the mid-west, but could very well be applicable to Central/Eastern Oregon as well:
IN AN EFFORT TO HELP OUTSIDERS UNDERSTAND THE MIDWEST UNITED STATES, THE FOLLOWING LIST WILL BE HANDED TO EACH DRIVER ENTERING THE AREA:
1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It’s called a ‘gravel road’. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your SUV. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to “corn fed” when talking about our women will get you whipped… by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for…bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That’s right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order a steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. You can bring Coke into my house but it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We’re real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
12. Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks – because they want to. So, you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too – and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over it. Don’t like it? Interstate 70, 80 & 90 go two ways. Interstate 29, 35, & 75 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit the ball into the water hazard. It spooks the fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot, his name is, “Sir”… no matter how old he is.
Now, enjoy your visit and go home.
I’m getting bored with TV, too
I’ll just do what this lady did, and chuck the TV out the window. She was quoted as saying “There was nothing decent on so I just threw the thing out the window.” She later mellowed out and watched TV with her kids.