Both From JokeADay:
On going to war over religion:
You’re basically killing each other to see who’s got the better imaginary friend.
Month: June 2003
Verizon to cut jobs 120%
A buddy of mine who works for Verizon sent me this (if anybody knows the original source, let me know so I can cite it — click more for the rest of it):
NEW YORK, June 4, PRNewswire – Verizon will reduce its workforce by an unprecedented 120 percent by the end of 2003, believed to be the first time a major corporation has laid off more employees than it actually has.
Verizon stock soared more than 12 points on the news.
Ruminations for the Day
From Ruminate.com:
I cut the bill for my 900-number phone calls in half! Now I just talk dirty to my Psychic Friend.
I used to yearn for hot monkey sex — until I realized it probably requires both a jungle *and* a primate.
“Okay, doctor, so I have this ADHD thing. I don’t see where it’s really affecting my abili– Ooh! Is that a stethoscope?”
If I won the Super Bowl and they stuck a camera in my face, I’d yell, “I’m going to Disneyland!” That is if Disneyland had booze and hookers, because after winning the Super Bowl I’d want to get drunk and get laid.
Student hacks school’s computer and deletes the junior class
I know when I was in high school, I would’ve liked to have “deleted” some of those morons, too. Full Story.
Minnesota’s new plates show deers … um … having some fun
Is it me or do Minnesota’s new licence plates look like the deers on them are having a bit too much fun?
Gunman claiming to be God strips naked, blocks traffic
From Obscure Store: The man was blocking traffic and pointing a rifle at nearby people and cars. He was yelling profanities, and saying, “I’m God.” He took off his clothes and was eventually arrested. Full Story.
The principal complained that one boy “looked like a pimp”
Police had to be called to the East Lake Academy after parents became upset when principal Wendy Jung wouldn’t let some “overdressed” students walk across the stage and get their diplomas. Full Story, with the title quote.
Intel Ships One Billionth Processor
It’s taken 25 years, but they shipped their billionth processor in April.
What would Martha Stewart’s jail cell look like?
We all know that Martha’s in trouble (though there are a lot of people who support her). If she were to go to prison, her cell might look something like this.