Problems with Boyfriend 5.0

Sorry for the lack of updates today. I’ve been far too busy trying to find a job. Meanwhile, a funny little forward I got from my family:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversations 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging Anti-virus 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

-Desperate

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Dear Desperate:

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Install Tears 6.2 and enter the command “C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME”. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run

Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SNORINGLOUDLY.WAV files. DO NOT install

Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.

Good Luck,

Tech Support