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UtterlyBoring.com is produced by Jake Ortman (e-mail, resume), a 31-year-old dad, percussionist, freelance Web designer, IT consultant and jack-of-all-trades computer geek, living in Bend, Oregon. He created this so that his expensive journalism and technology degree isn't getting totally wasted. In addition to editing this site in his free time, he is the IT Director and Ad Designer at both Sunray and Discover Sunriver. He has LinkedIn and Facebook profiles if you're trying to stalk him. He will not be posting on Twitter.
Opinions and comments on this site are the opinions of the author, not the author's employer, family, friends or pets.
This site is powered by Movable Type and is hosted by orty.com. Since December 1st, 2002, there have been 5820 entries. Visitors to this blog have posted 19358 comments.
If you're reading this, you have too much time on your hands. |
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Revised Republican National Convention Schedule
Republican Convention Schedule, Revised
6:00pm - Opening prayer
6:15pm - Supplementary opening prayer
6:30pm - Prayer in thanks of first two prayers
6:45pm - New energy policy presented by Exxon
7:00pm - Canonization of Reagan
7:15pm - Additional prayers
7:30pm - Opening remarks by Halliburton
8:00pm - Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken "Kenny-boy" Lay
8:15pm - Additional remarks by Halliburton
8:30pm - Stoning of the first homosexual
8:45pm - New healthcare polices presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente
9:00pm - Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA)
9:15pm - Halliburton contributes 1.4 billion to Republican party
9:30pm - Reagan elevated to savior, Holy Trinity now referred to as "the quads"
9:45pm - Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan
10:00pm - Chaney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr. Tells him to go f--k himself
10:15pm - Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea (Bush: "Damn, the SOUTH is our ally. My bad.")
10:30pm - Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin
10:45pm - Dancing around the golden calf
11:00pm - Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual
11:15pm - New forestry policy presented by Weyerhaeuser
11:45pm - Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president
12:00pm - Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am)
(Thanks to Barney for This Forward)
2 Comments
Preferthe Truth said on 09/02/04 @ 09:11 PM: I think the cheap shots you take at the Republican Party and the fact that you're willing to perpetuate urban myths about our President shows a lack of ability to think on your own. The Michael Moore talking points about Haliburton, the war and HMO's is a sign that your only purpose is to spread propaganda and denigrate an honorable person. During the next four years of President Bush's administration, you will be humbled. Making hate-mongering remarks about Christians is something you would not think of doing about those who practice Islam or Hinduism, but you think that degrading the religion that helps the poor and down and out people in our country is somehow all right. Ignorance is no excuse for wasting our time with your brainwashing efforts.
Mimi said on 09/15/04 @ 09:38 AM: LOL!!! that wuz funny. Honestly, people should relax, and take a joke for what it it's worth...humor, a joke. So just relax.
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