UtterlyBoring.com: Revised Republican National Convention Schedule

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Revised Republican National Convention Schedule

Republican Convention Schedule, Revised

6:00pm - Opening prayer
6:15pm - Supplementary opening prayer
6:30pm - Prayer in thanks of first two prayers
6:45pm - New energy policy presented by Exxon
7:00pm - Canonization of Reagan
7:15pm - Additional prayers
7:30pm - Opening remarks by Halliburton
8:00pm - Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken "Kenny-boy" Lay
8:15pm - Additional remarks by Halliburton
8:30pm - Stoning of the first homosexual
8:45pm - New healthcare polices presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente
9:00pm - Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA)
9:15pm - Halliburton contributes 1.4 billion to Republican party
9:30pm - Reagan elevated to savior, Holy Trinity now referred to as "the quads"
9:45pm - Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan
10:00pm - Chaney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr. Tells him to go f--k himself
10:15pm - Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea (Bush: "Damn, the SOUTH is our ally. My bad.")
10:30pm - Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin
10:45pm - Dancing around the golden calf
11:00pm - Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual
11:15pm - New forestry policy presented by Weyerhaeuser
11:45pm - Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president
12:00pm - Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am)

(Thanks to Barney for This Forward)

Posted by Jake on 08/27/04 @ 08:42 PM
Posted in Funny | 2 Comments | Permalink
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2 Comments

Preferthe Truth said on 09/02/04 @ 09:11 PM:
I think the cheap shots you take at the Republican Party and the fact that you're willing to perpetuate urban myths about our President shows a lack of ability to think on your own. The Michael Moore talking points about Haliburton, the war and HMO's is a sign that your only purpose is to spread propaganda and denigrate an honorable person. During the next four years of President Bush's administration, you will be humbled. Making hate-mongering remarks about Christians is something you would not think of doing about those who practice Islam or Hinduism, but you think that degrading the religion that helps the poor and down and out people in our country is somehow all right. Ignorance is no excuse for wasting our time with your brainwashing efforts.

Mimi said on 09/15/04 @ 09:38 AM:
LOL!!! that wuz funny. Honestly, people should relax, and take a joke for what it it's worth...humor, a joke. So just relax.

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