UtterlyBoring.com is produced by Jake Ortman (e-mail, resume), a 30-year-old dad, percussionist, freelance Web designer, consultant and jack-of-all-trades computer geek, living in Bend, Oregon. He created this so that his expensive journalism and technology degree isn't getting totally wasted. In addition to editing this site in his free time, he is the IT Director and Ad Designer at both Sunray and Discover Sunriver. He has LinkedIn, MySpace, Facebook profiles if you're trying to stalk him.
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If you're reading this, you have too much time on your hands.
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other."
He replied, "That's all right; we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple.
This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion.
You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps.
She was moving so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the pool.
She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, even butterfly!
After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No, she said, 'I was a hooker in Memphis and I worked both sides of the Mississippi River."