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Thoughts of a Jewish Buddhist

Thanks to Barney for this list of Jewish Deep Thoughts of sorts.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?

Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.

Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.

The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?

Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes.

Update on 4/20/08: It's been brought to our attention that these lines that were forwarded to me originally appeared in Zen Judaism: For You, A Little Enlightenment. So if you're looking for more like this, buy the book.


Posted by Jake on 01/27/04 @ 04:40 PM
Posted in Funny | Permalink



3 Trackbacks

Laugh for the Day from GDay Mate on 01/28/04 @ 03:12 PM:
Utterly Boring has a wonderful post on the deep and meaningful thoughts of a Jewish Buddhist. My favourites include:* Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems. * Be pat... (Read More)

Thoughts of a Jewish Buddhist from G'day Mate (Mk III) on 11/09/05 @ 05:06 PM:
Thanks to UtterlyBoring for this list of Jewish Deep Thoughts of sorts. Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that. There... (Read More)

.. Leopard´Ż« 10. 5 . . from tribe.net: utterlyboring.com on 08/10/08 @ 11:44 PM:
åll, . .i've had leopard for a week now . . installed it on my other lap top... (Read More)

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