UtterlyBoring.com: Headlines of the Year

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Headlines of the Year

From Barney again, headlines that were published in newspapers during 2003:

SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS - Good thing an expert was able to explain what an ordinary person could only suspect.

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS - Now that ought to put a stop to it!

IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS

PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE

PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER

TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS - I bet that will keep them busy!

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH - That's the problem with unions - always finding some excuse to stop working.

JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT - Great idea! This must have happened in Texas. It sounds drastic, but I suspect it would be effective.

WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE - But at least it didn't extinguish it entirely.

IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST AWHILE

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES - There's a connection? You HAVE to be kidding...

COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES - New technology, lighter weight but stronger materials - where will it end?

TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD

MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE - Hope it works.

NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP

ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT

KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS - Hmmm, that little tidbit could come in handy....

CHEF THROWS HIS HEART INTO HELPING FEED NEEDY - Now THAT'S commitment.

LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF - One or two of those and I bet the rest will stay in school!

HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS - Oh my. I wonder how big their lawyers are?

Posted by Jake on 01/08/04 @ 04:15 PM
Posted in Funny | 6 Comments | Permalink

1 Trackback

Donate-A-Joke from GDay Mate on 01/14/04 @ 11:07 AM:
[Ed: This joke is from Jake Ortman at Utterly Boring. If you enjoyed this joke, please consider donating a few dollars to his medical fund....] Headlines of the Year Headlines that were published in newspapers during 2003: SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET C... (Read More)

6 Comments

Ummagumma said on 01/09/04 @ 05:09 AM:
I'm not sure about the veracity of your 2003 headlines, the one about the guy hit by lightning is an old joke I heard a long time ago. The names of the papers they were published in would help this seem more than an old Leno bit.

Neil T. said on 01/09/04 @ 08:13 AM:
I do remember an actual headline in a British newspaper on the lines of "Baby heart operation tied up in red tape" but I can't remember which paper it was.

Neil T. said on 01/09/04 @ 08:15 AM:
Oh yeah... some of those really date back to 1994 or earlier... http://www.cs.rice.edu/~ian/Public/Humor/headlines

Jake Ortman said on 01/09/04 @ 08:18 AM:
Hehe...OK, Barney's banned from sending me anything "xxx of the year" ;-)

Barney said on 01/09/04 @ 10:09 PM:
Geez, who cares if they are true as long as they are funny? You guys want a date, newspaper, page number? Suck the fun outta stuff why dontcha?;-/

Jake Ortman said on 01/10/04 @ 08:56 AM:
Exactly...have a sense of humor, folks.

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