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Deep Thoughts to Ponder

Just some things to think about today:

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s butt.”

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask here the bathroom is?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your ass?

February 13, 2003

My Kind of Cadillac

I’m not huge into luxury cars, but if I won the lotto, I’d pick up the Cadillac Sixteen concept car ASAP.

You can’t beat a luxury car with 1,000 horsepower, with displacement on demand (meaning it can use 4, 8 or all 16 cylinders). That means a big ass engine that still gets 30 miles to the gallon on the hiways.

February 13, 2003

Man: I wouldn’t normally do $100K in vandalism to a school

But James A. McCormack, 20, says he was “highly intoxicated” when he drove a stolen bulldozer through an unfinished building last year. Full Story via Obscure Store.

February 13, 2003

Man causes stir by spilling soda at FBI building

This just goes to show that we freak out FAR too much about little things. Full Story. Link from Obscure Store.

February 13, 2003

No Weapons of Mass Destruction Here

Or here, for that matter.

February 13, 2003

Sexy Urinals

I don’t know, but if I walked into a bathroom, and saw something like this, I certainly don’t know if I’d be able to pee in it.

February 13, 2003

Ruminations

From Ruminate.com:

Given the likely reaction to an increase in terror-alert level to “severe threat imminent,” wouldn’t a more appropriate alert color be brown?

If I were a recovering sex addict, I think I would opt for group therapy.

I think I’d have been happier if Don MacLean had died and Buddy Holly had written a song about it.

February 13, 2003

This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs. Any questions?

A joke that was sent to me by Shasta Bob:

The boss of Stone Marketing called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the employer, who understood the benefits of having fun,told the burned-out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About seven minutes later,they turned in their suggestions and created a Ten List. After all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.

The top ten:

10. Viagra – Whaazzzzz Up

9. Viagra – The quicker pecker upper.

8. Viagra – Like a rock!

7. Viagra – When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra – Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra – Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra – Strong enough for a man,but made for a woman.

3. Viagra – Tastes great! More filling!

2. Viagra – We bring good things to life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your penis … This is your penis on drugs. Any questions?