A Quick Memo To The Source Weekly

You know, I really appreciate the plugs you guys gave me in the last two issues, but one thing annoys me: Your insistence on putting my name in quotation marks. My friends call me Jake. My co-workers call me Jake. My wife calls me sweetie, but knows my name is Jake. I’m not hiding behind a pseudonym on this blog. The left side of every page of this site say “UtterlyBoring.com is produced by Jake Ortman … “. The whois record for UtterlyBoring.com shows Jake Ortman as the admin and technical contact for the domain with orty.com, my very much side business, listed as the registrant (and you can check with the state to see my name registered on that as well).

So if anybody is here from links in The Source and was wondering about the quotes, well there you go: Jake is my name, don’t wear it out.

</rant>

March 23, 2007

I Officially Cannot Win The Pick ’em

After the first day of round three, I’ve been officially knocked out from winning. Even if every one of my surviving picks won, I’d still lose according to the scenario generator. ’tis OK, as I’m not eligible for the cool prizes anyway.

But if things work out, there could be three teams from the Pac-10 in the final four, and that’d be really amazing.

Anyway, here’s the scores after day one of round three:

  • bojack: 61
  • goldenglove7624: 59
  • PLU_STATS_231_2: 58
  • jaylee: 58
  • Scott’s Mad Dribblerz: 58
  • #1 bracket: 57
  • Rusty from Portland: 57
  • steph: 55
  • Coz’s Bracket: 55
  • jenB_goDucks!: 55
  • whiteybarkley: 54
  • casual picks: 54
  • monkeyinabox: 52
  • GO GATORS!!: 51
  • Canadian Bacon: 51
  • HEELSTAR: 50
  • Repeating Greatness: 50
  • shots hot: 48
  • Reigning Dud: 47
  • bend no more: 46
  • Bowser: 45
  • PAIZANO’S PIZZA: 45
  • shlid: 44
  • MN Shivs: 43
  • kandray’s bracket: 43
  • Jake’s ’07 Pick ’em: 43
  • Tasmanian Devils: 42
  • Briar Patch Project: 42
  • I can’t think of a name: 39
  • Bretigny: 26

March 22, 2007

Sorry to Say, But I Agree with Wal-Mart

The proposed Wal-Mart Supercenter on the north end of Bend has a ton of opposition (and folks who don’t like Wal-Mart, but don’t like the opposition), to the point where Wal-Mart had to appeal to the State Land Use Board of Appeals. The biggest roadblock was how Wal-Mart was going to handle traffic at the already clogged Cooley Rd. and Hwy. 97 intersection (their land is on that corner). What always confused me, however, is how it seemed that Wal-Mart was wholly responsible for traffic restructuring in that area, despite the other large tenants in the area and the City of Bend’s Juniper Ridge project right across the highway, which, upon completion, promises just as many traffic problems. Now that the City has its first planned tenant (the corporate headquarters for Les Schwab Tires), Wal-Mart has a legitimate beef. Is the tire giant going to have to pay to help traffic issues in the area? The City of Bend worked their tails off to get Les Schwab to move to Juniper Ridge, and (from what I can tell) is giving Les Schwab a free pass (I know Les and co’ won’t have nearly the traffic flow). From what I can tell, the City is requiring a lot more work out of Wal-Mart. Both companies are going to provide a bunch of jobs and tax dollars to the area (obviously Wal-Mart’s will be lesser paying — I won’t argue with that). But how much is the city planning on paying for improvement there versus what they’re asking of Wal-Mart and some of their preferred tenants? Yes, Wal-Mart a massive company with a buttload of money, but is it fair to pin everything on them?

Discuss.

March 22, 2007

Stupidly Addicting Game For The Day

Don’t start playing Desktop Tower Defense if you have anything you want to accomplish today. You won’t get it done. Don’t ask me why I know that. Thanks kottke for the link.

March 21, 2007

What Are Guys Really Thinking?

This video is so wrong (and not safe for work — a bit of swearing and dirty talk), but it made me laugh mostly because of the shock value (video after the jump).

(more…)

March 21, 2007

The Wisdom Of Children

This whole column is hilarious.

A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids’ Table

MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.

DAD: O.K.

GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.

DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.

UNCLE: I’m having sex right now.

DAD: We all are.

[…]

How College Kids Imagine the United States Government

THE PRESENT DAY

—Did you hear the news, Mr. President? The students at the University of Pittsfield are walking out of their classes, in protest over the war.

—(spits out coffee) Wha— What did you say?

—Apparently, students are standing up in the middle of lectures and walking right out of the building.

—But students love lectures. If they’re willing to give those up, they must really be serious about this peace thing! How did you hear about this protest?

—The White House hears about every protest, no matter how small.

—Oh, right, I remember.

—You haven’t heard the half of it, Mr. President. The leader of the group says that if you don’t stop the war today they’re going to . . . to . . . I’m sorry, I can’t say it out loud. It’s just too terrifying.

—Say it, damn it! I’m the President!

—All right! If you don’t stop the war . . . they’re going to stop going to school for the remainder of the week.

—Send the troops home.

—But, Mr. President! Shouldn’t we talk about this?

—Send the troops home.

Thanks Waxy for the link.

March 21, 2007

Lessons Of The Obvious

If you’re going to hire a hitman, make sure the guy you’re looking to hire isn’t an FBI agent.

March 21, 2007

Google Link Dump

Just some random links that were Google-related that I thought I’d share with you here:

Speaking of Google, at tonight’s COWPU meeting we’re going to be talking with Andre Jensen of Global Strategies International about search engine optimization, so hopefully I’ll see some of you there!

March 21, 2007

Come and Stalk Me

If you’re looking to stalk me, I’ve had a MySpace profile link on the left side of this page for quite a while. I now have profiles setup in a couple more places:

I’ve probably setup accounts at the various other social networks at one point or another, but these will undoubtedly be the only ones I ever (if at all) use (if somebody can make a piece of software that will allow them to manage all their social networking profiles from one place, they’ll be rich). But don’t expect me to post a ton of stuff on any of the sites other than maybe some professional information on LinkedIn (maybe someday they’ll fix that site so that putting in “97701” as zip code won’t show me as living in Eugene). Generally, if it’s worth posting, it’ll probably be posted here, so don’t expect anything dramatic on any of those sites or expect me to reply to messages to me via those sites (you can use the contact form on this site for that).

Feel free to add me as a friend on those sites if you actually know me or want to stalk me.

March 20, 2007

Random Videos

Here are some random videos I’ve come across recently but just haven’t had the chance to link to (videos after the jump):

(more…)

March 20, 2007