Category: Scary

Bush’s Resume

Forward off that thar Interweb thing.

  • I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
  • I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
  • I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
  • I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
  • I’ve broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
  • I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
  • I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
  • I refused to allow inspector’s access to U.S. “prisoners of war” detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
  • I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
  • I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
  • I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
  • I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
  • I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
  • I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
  • I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.
  • In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
  • I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
  • I am supporting development of a nuclear “Tactical Bunker Buster,” a WMD.
  • I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

  • All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father’s library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
  • All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
  • All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

Three Killed Over IKEA Vouchers

I can only imagine the death toll had it been a Krispy Kreme store (their donuts are highly overrated, by-the-way).

You Thought Your Day Sucked?

At least you didn’t have your genitals bitten off by a dog. Apparently the dog’s still wandering the streets of Albuquerque, so watch out.

300 Animals Confiscated from Animal Hoarder

This lady is flippin’ nuts.

An indictment has been handed up against a Franklin County pet owner whose property was raided twice in the past month, uncovering deplorable conditions on both her farm near St. Clair, Missouri, and her one-bedroom apartment in Union.

Officials tell NewsChannel 5 that Gloria Sutter, 67, of Union is facing a total of eight charges connected to the August 3 raid at her farm that uncovered more than 250 animals that were later turned over to the Humane Society of Missouri.

Oh, it’s gets better…

Two additional charges of animal abuse were filed in reference to the August 9 raid at Sutter’s apartment which resulted in the confiscation of another 56 animals who were living with Sutter in a single bedroom apartment in Union.

Random IRC Images

Similar to the random images from LiveJournal users comes this archive of random images from IRC channels. It’s scary some of the stuff that gets posted, though I think the LiveJournal stuff is still far more disturbing.

Twelve Ways to Crush Your Testicles

The Web is a strange place. Why in the heck would somebody document 12 different ways to crush your testicles?

Replace every image on a WiFi network with goatse.cx

airpwn is a utility that replaces every image loaded by a user of a WiFi network with the infamous, mentally scarifying “goatse.cx” JPEG. Now if my annoying neighbors had WiFi, I could really have some fun with them. Link via BB.

He’s Lost over 300 Pounds

But he still weighs around 752 pounds. He’s in the hospital to lose the weight, and hopes to lose another 450.

What a Perfect Day To Release This

It’s Friday the 13th, and the Oregon State DEQ sends out a press release entitled “Oregon Environmental Quality Commission approves start of chemical weapons incineration.” Lovely. Remind me to stay the heck away from Umatilla for the next 3,000 years.

I’m Not Afraid of Outsourcing

My worry is that I’ll be replaced by a drugged up monkey.