Category: Funny

“I Paid $60 for These Stupid Chains And They Don’t Even Work!”

We got a bit of snow locally last night (man it feels good to be able to link someplace again — thanks, Barney!). I came to the office and there was about five inches on the ground with a sheet of ice underneath, and the tourists around here were panicking, many of them were worried they wouldn’t be able to get out of their driveways on the last day of this holiday weekend (it’s not that awful — just take it slow).

But the most entertaining thing I’ve seen in a while has to be a little sedan I followed out of Sunriver. When you’re exiting Sunriver’s main entrance, there’s a ever-so-slight incline and people frequently slip a bit there as the stop sign is at the top of the slope. I came up behind a car with chains on that was really struggling to get out of there, front wheels spinning away.

There was just one slight problem: His chains were on the back wheels, and he was in a front-wheel drive car.

The license plate was from California, and I’m sure the guy has never driven in this kind of weather before, but I’m sure he’s swearing up a storm.

Engrish At Its Finest

This Japanese ad says “Love Cook” but they don’t pronounce cook over there like us, preferring to pronouncing it like a word that rhymes with “rock.”

How To Get A Decent Grade On A Paper With Minimal Effort

All you need to do is chuck in some references to genital mutilation, Dungeons and Dragons, and Homestar Runner, and then watch your grades go up (or at least better than the drivel it was before). Link via b3ta.

Nobody Would Consider Bush A Good Public Speaker

Especially after reading some of this transcript (fixed the question so it read clearer, but Bush’s statement is verbatim). Read it out loud for full enjoyment.

QUESTION: I don’t really understand. How is it the new plan is going to fix that problem?

THE PRESIDENT: Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There’s a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised.

Does that make any sense to you? It’s kind of muddled. Look, there’s a series of things that cause the — like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate — the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those — if that growth is affected, it will help on the red.

I don’t know about you, but I’m confused.

Thanks Barn for the tip.

Great Blond Joke, Brought To You By Web 2.0

This is by far the best blonde joke ever (link via memepool).

I Am Snarky Bend

You Know You Live In Central Oregon When…

Snarky has an audience participation post for all you locals. One of Snarky’s: You know you live in Central Oregon when your neighbor is selling his house for $150,000 more than he bought it for the year before. Fun stuff — and the more locals that join in the more entertaining it will be.

Responsible Spam

I would love it if my spam read like this:

From: Maybelline Kane

Subject: What time is it?

Hey, you, I’m blond, gorgeous, and I just turned 18! I set up a webcam in my bedroom so people could watch me 24/7! However, the more I thought about it, the more the whole thing seemed kind of creepy and demeaning. So I scrapped that idea.

Best Use of a Tivo Ever

If you really want to freak an avid lotto player out, Tivo last week’s drawing, buy him a ticket with those same numbers, and then replay the drawing while he’s watching (without him knowing it was a recording).

Modern technology can sometimes make practical jokes far too easy.

Horribly Dated Link Dump

I’ve had these links flagged in my RSS reader for quite a while, and I just need to get them out of there before I go nuts with a bunch of six-month-old links sitting there:

That’s enough for now. I’ve got many more, but it’s late, and this shoud keep you busy for a bit. Many of the above links are from fullalbums.com.