Category: Funny

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and we decided to get married.

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was my finance’s younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was 20 years old, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. Once my girlfriend announced our plans, her sister would regularly bend down near me and I enjoyed many pleasant views. It had to be deliberate — I didn’t notice her doing this near anyone else.

One day the sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived and whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me — just once — before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word.

She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.”

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out of the house, and began walking toward my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!”

The moral of the story?

Be smart, like me. Always keep your condoms in your car.

August 18, 2004

Flaming Rabbit Gets Revenge

Oh my…

A rabbit set alight by a bonfire at a British cricket club got its revenge when it ran burning into a hut and set it ablaze destroying costly equipment, the club said on Friday.
Members of Devizes cricket club in Wiltshire, western England, were burning dead branches when a rabbit caught up in the waste sped burning from the flames spreading a fire which destroyed lawnmowers and tools worth $110,000.

This is a Monty Python sketch waiting to happen. Full Story.

August 17, 2004

A New Date Rape Drug

Joke Sent From Craig…

Police today warned all men who frequent clubs and parties to stay cautious when offered drinks by women. Females are using a date rape drug called “beer” to target unsuspecting men. This drug comes in liquid form and is available nearly everywhere.

“Beer” as it is commonly referred to, is used by female predators to persuade hapless male victims to go home with them. Women need only persuade a man to consume a few of these “beers” and then ask him home for no-strings-attached sex, a simple approach that renders most men helpless.

After several “beers,” men will have sex with even unattractive women. Often men awaken with only hazy memories of the night before, a horrible headache, and a vague feeling that something bad happened.

Some really unfortunate men are even separated from their life’s savings in a scam called “a relationship.”

In extreme cases, females have entrapped unsuspecting males into long-term servitude through a punishment called “marriage.”

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam once “beer” is administered.

Forward this warning to every male you know. And if you, or some man you know, have fallen victim to this insidious “beer” and the predatory women who administer it, rest assured: male support groups exist in every major city where you can discuss the ugly details of your encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, look in the Yellow Pages under “Golf Courses.”

August 17, 2004