Month: November 2004

Moron Crook For The Day

Not only is he a moron crook, but he’s local, too!

A Redmond police officer gave his own “Stupid Criminal of the Year Award” to a 39-year-old transient who thought he could burglarize a gas station/fast-food restaurant by climbing onto the roof and sliding into the deep fryer’s grease vent. He got stuck, and covered head to toe in grease for his troubles.

The only reason he managed to get out alive is because some folks walking down the street overheard the moron screaming from inside the vent.

The best part? He not only was taken to the Deschutes County Jail, facing charges of second-degree burglary, second-degree criminal mischief and possession of burglar’s tools and being held on $10,000 bail, but he probably lost his job — he worked at the store he was trying to break into.

November 22, 2004

Random Thought For The Day

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Thanks Barney for that.

November 22, 2004

Release Your Anger With Punctuation

When a boss writes you an e-mail that makes you angry as heck, just make sure you use appropriate punctuation in your reply so you can call him a bunch of names, but he’ll never know. Link via b3ta.

November 21, 2004

I’m Not An Addict

Apparently Internet porn is worse than crack when it comes to addictions. Now excuse me while I go…uh…download some…uh…software.

Internet pornography is the new crack cocaine, leading to addiction, misogyny, pedophilia, boob jobs and erectile dysfunction, according to clinicians and researchers testifying before a Senate committee Thursday.

So if I want my wife to get a boob job, she just needs to check out some porn? Like that’ll happen. Thanks Barney for the link.

November 21, 2004

Replacing Water With Beer

What if instead of using water, you’d use beer? So you’d brush your teeth with beer, make your coffee with beer and cook a pot of noodles with beer? Could you do it? This guy tried.

November 21, 2004

Small Town Oregon Mayor Decided By Coin Toss

Only in Oregon. Last week, the tiny ranching community of Prairie City, Oregon (population 1,100) had a dead-locked race for mayor. After numerous recounts, it was still a 125-to-125 tie. So they decided to settle it like men and brawl to the death toss a coin to decide the winner. A high-noon showdown was set.

Yesterday was the showdown. With 150 or so townsfolk looking on, head’s was called, and the town had its new mayor.

November 21, 2004

Want To Sue The Pants Off Everybody?

Thirty-nine patents from the early days of the Internet are up for auction.

November 19, 2004

40% of AOL Subscribers Don’t Have Computers

100% of them are still idiots. Full Story (it’s satire folks — have a laugh).

November 19, 2004

Only In Nebraska

I make fun of Nebraska quite often on this blog because I used to work in Nebraska, I have some good friends that still living in Lincoln, and a local blogger is from there. But really, it’s not too hard to make fun of a state where government officials will debate for an hour on which way the door swings.

November 19, 2004

Read The Fine Print

Otherwise, instead of getting a Toshiba A30 laptop for over $1100, you just get a picture of it.

November 19, 2004