But I’m voting for him anyway (that has to be the funniest domain of the year).
Month: October 2004
Milli Vanilli All Over Again on SNL
I’ve never been a big fan of most new artists, especially Ashlee Simpson. But after I heard about her screw up on SNL last night, I had to find out more about it. Basically what happened is that during her 2nd musical number, she tried to play a Milli Vanilli by lip-syncing the song (which some artists are bound to do on SNL — no talent hack jobs, that is), but the wrong song got cued up and started before she was ready. All on live TV. So she started what looked like a hoedown dance, and walked off the stage. There’s a video here, and more comments about the whole thing on the NBC-hosted SNL forums (I’m linked to page four because that’s where the discussion starts).
All But Six-Million of Us Will Have To Go
All we have to do to save the Earth is lower our human population down to about 6,400,000 folks (based on the current world population of just about 6.4 billion, which is 1000 times that). We do that, and we should be able to survive just fine. Thanks Barney for the link.
An Anti-Democrat Joke
This one’s for Josh, another Bend blogger, to prove that I can laugh at both sides, because, really, all politicians are idiots…
Once upon a time, long, long ago there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election. Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final winner. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the (manly) way to settle things.
The candidate who catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote and cold lake in Wisconsin. There were to be no observers present and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification.
At the end of the first day, George W. returns to the headquarters and he has 10 fish.
Soon, Kerry, who has answers to everything, but no plan, returns and has zero fish.
Well, everyone assumes he is just having another bad hair day or something and hopefully, he will catch up the next day.
At the end of the 2nd day George W. comes in with 20 fish and Kerry comes in again with none.
That evening, Bill Clinton gets together secretly with Kerry and says, “I think George W. is a lowlife cheatin’ son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.
The next night (after George W. comes back with 50 fish), Clinton says to Kerry, “Well, what about it, is George W. cheatin?”
“He sure is, Bill, he’s cutting holes in the ice.”
Joke sent to me from Barn, who got it from a local politician whose name I won’t mention until the election’s over, just so I don’t get in trouble. I didn’t vote for him, but I didn’t vote against him, either.
Dave Barry to Take Indefinite Leave
As mentioned on his blog, and on Miami Herald’s site, Dave Barry is going to take a leave of absence from the Miami Herald and the columns he’s been writing for 20+ years (he still plans on keep his blog updated on a random basis). He plans to spend more time with his family, and will continue writing his children’s books and a movie he’s working on. ”Part of the reason for taking a year off is to find out if I just can’t stand not being able to write,” he said.
Turn Off Any TV With A Keychain
If their Web site wasn’t down, I’d order one of these (OK, they’re probably expensive, but I’d at least like to check it out). It’s a key-chain attachment that contains just one button. When you press that button, it spends over a minute flashing out 209 different codes to turn off TVs, the most popular brands first (generally, the codes for turning off a TV are the same as turning one on, so this will work for that, too). Full story.
Local Kerry Supporters Make National News
In this story on CNN Money about how political signs influence homebuyers, and the first image on the article is an image of what I think is a West-side home here in Bend (I’ve seen the sign, and I’m pretty sure it was on the Westside — feel free to post here if I’m wrong). It’s a cardboard sign on a fence that says: “‘Nuclear:’ If you can’t say the word you shouldn’t be able to launch one.” Thanks Barn for the tip.
Dopes Throw Out Dope
If you’re going to dispose of garbage, there are some things you shouldn’t do:
- By no means should you leave the garbage on somebody else’s lawn.
- By no means should you include your old bills and mail that has you name and addresses on there.
- By no means should you put your marijuana remnants in there.
But see, people aren’t that smart. Like these local potheads who not only did all of the above, but actually came by to pick up the garbage after the homeowner, finding their names in the trash, called them to have them come get it. The homeowner also called the police, who were waiting there for the dopes. After a search of the moron’s home, they found about 8.5 pounds of marijuana, more than $17,000 in cash and several firearms.
Berlin Wall is Being Rebuilt
Granted, they’re only re-building about 200 yards of it (considering the original was 96 miles long), but that’s still quite a bit. The project is being done to “ensure that the brutality of the Communist regime is not forgotten, and to stop the Wall being wiped from memory.” Really, I think most Berliners want the Wall — and the memories associated with it — to be forgotten. Full story.
Medical Records in Your Wallet
Starting at $149, Redi-Records will create a business-card-sized CD that you can carry with you that will contain you complete medical history, the idea being that if you’re in an accident that doctors can boot the CD and find out what drugs you’re allergic to, what medical specialists you see, medial power of attorney, etc. Thanks to the Raw Feed for the link.