Month: May 2004

Crazy Naked Man and Axe Welding Roommates

It’s all in a day’s work for city police.

A 24-year-old man wearing only an allegedly stolen sweatshirt was found hiding near the College Way Chevron station and arrested early Sunday. He was accused of entering three unlocked apartments, engaging in a struggle with one resident, and trying to enter a fourth, police said.

It already had been a busy night for Bend police on the city’s Westside. In an unrelated incident, an apparent domestic dispute turned violent Saturday night, in an attack involving a double-bladed ax.

Makes me glad I don’t live on the Westside any more. I just have to deal with the loud jackasses in my neighborhood and their hot-rod cars (and their kids). But at least they’re not trying to kill me.

May 31, 2004

AIDS or Alzheimer’s?

I just got this joke from a buddy of mine….

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.

Receptionist: “I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible.”

Mr. Smith: “What do you mean?”

Receptionist: “Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your wife.”

Mr. Smith: “That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?”

Receptionist: “Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.”

Mr. Smith: “Well, what am I supposed to do now?”

Receptionist: “The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t sleep with her.

May 31, 2004

Common Sense Lapses For Bend Police Officer

Obviously the officer didn’t mean to do this, but he gives a lesson to everybody: When you get out of your car, lock your car and take your keys. Otherwise your cruiser will be stolen and crashed into a tree.

(Just a side note, I know by posting this link, I’ll undoubtedly be pulled over on my way home now.)

May 31, 2004

Speed up Windows XP

If you have a pile of free time, head over and read this article on 99 Performance Tips for Windows XP. Saw it originally at TinyApps, but others have it, too.

May 31, 2004

Drumming Baby

I couldn’t help but laugh at this.

May 30, 2004

Have you ever wondered…

…if you could fart through a harmonica and make it toot? The answer appears to be no (warning: NSFW).

May 30, 2004

More Jackass School Administration

Speaking of jackass administration, an 15-year old honor student was expelled for 80-days. Why? Blake Molnar pushed a aluminum tin filled with whipped cream into Karen Abbott’s (the principal) face — at a school sponsored event where he won the privilege of pie-ing the principal. Ms. Abbott asked that the boy be charged with assault, as it caused her too much pain and injury (despite the fact that she knew what was coming).

May 30, 2004

Zero Tolerance Strikes Again

High school officials have too much time on their hands, and nearly expel people for stupid stuff. I know they have to keep an eye out for weapons on campus, but this is ridiculous. Just ignore that big aluminum baseball bat in the kid’s car, worry about the eight-inch wooden bat in his seat (reg. required).

May 30, 2004

How to Save Episode III

Granted these things should’ve been done before Star Wars Episode I was written, but these are all great ideas. I’ve believed for a long time that if George Lucas wasn’t running the entire show, and let some other talent come on board, that the whole lot of movies wouldn’t suck nearly as bad. They’re still fun movies, but can you imagine how much better they could’ve been?

May 30, 2004

Want to piss somebody off overseas?

There is more than one way to give somebody the finger.

May 30, 2004