Month: February 2004

Jury Clears Cow in Car Accident. Good — wouldn’t want to be out blaming cows on things for no good reason.

That would have to be this one.

Joke via e-mail…

Until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after “original and proprietary” research they are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:

With her consent……………………………12 Calories

Without her consent……………………….2187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:

With both hands……………………………8 Calories

With one hand……………………………..12 Calories

With your teeth……………………………485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:

With an erection…………………………….6 Calories

Without an erection……………………….3315 Calories

POSITIONS:

Missionary…………………………………..12 Calories

Wheelbarrow………………………………216 Calories

Doggy Style………………………………..326 Calories

Italian chandelier………………………..2912 Calories

ORGASMS:

Real………………………………….112 Calories

Fake……………………………………..1315 Calories

POST ORGASM:

Lying in bed hugging………………………18 Calories

Getting up immediately…………………….36 Calories

Explaining why you got out of bed immediately…….816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:

20-29 years………………………………36 Calories

30-39 years………………………………80 Calories

40-49 years………………………………124 Calories

50-59 years………………………………1972 Calories

60-69 years………………………………7916 Calories

70 and over………………………………Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:

Calmly……………………………………………..32 Calories

In a hurry……………………………………………..98 Calories

With her father knocking at the door………..5218 Calories

With your wife knocking at the door…………13,521 Calories

Results may vary.

A 14-year-old UK boy developed deep vein thrombosis — a condition normally associated with older people flying on long-distance airplane trips — after kneeling all day in the same position obsessively playing Xbox. Thanks to Mike for the link.

I know I’ve got a nice pile of snow next to my driveway that will be there until June. I wish I would’ve thought of doing this first…

Thanks Barney for the pic.