Month: December 2003

Best Wishes for 2004

May 2004 be good to you and to us all. May your kids be released on their own recognizances and their arrest records sealed. May the funny noise in the your old car turn out to be only the skin of your lost cat, trapped in the fanbelt.

May the mean old lady from the IRS find your house, but be struck by lightning on the front walk. May your doctor smile when he says “I have some rather urgent news for you.”

May the guy who sells lottery tickets look up at your approach and shout “gather round people, here he comes!” or “she comes!”

May your wife’s boyfriend turn blue and burst into flame from a viagra overdose. Or may your husband’s girlfriend’s hair fall out, poisoned by silicone leaks.

May the relative who dies and leaves you a fortune be a stupid bastard you never really liked.

May the judge look up and say “guilty? of course you couldn’t be guilty–not a sweetheart like you.”

May friends with benighted politics write you deathbed letters, confessing they now realize that you were right all their lives, and they were miserably wrong.

May you find great love, and get away with it. May your enemies develop incurable rashes. May you leave this world a better place for your having been here, or at least get an unfair share of the credit.

Thanks to Barney for the link. Happy New Year everybody — I’m going to bed before Dick Clark pops on the tube. I’ll probably celebrate the new year (an hour from now) in bed. G’night!

Ducks lose a heart breaker

Minnesota 31, Oregon: 30. The game was won with a late field goal that barely made it through the uprights. Clemens had an incredible game with 362 yards, 31 for 43, 3 TDs, and the only interception he threw was in the last 10 seconds of the game.

Oh well…looking forward to next year (as always).

Airline passenger arrested by Redmond police

But despite his arrest, he seems to be pretty jolly about the whole thing:

I can only hope that if I ever get arrested, I’m enjoying things as much as he is.

What is the world coming to?

All this girl wants is a career in the porn industry, and the Lincoln, Nebraska, police just won’t let her have it. Granted, she’s posing nude in public places in Lincoln (keep and eye out for her, Gregg), which is why she’s getting in trouble. Needless to say, her Web site (not even remotely safe for work) is getting a pile of traffic because of all the media attention she’s getting. If she was having trouble getting exposure before, she’s undoubtedly getting it now.

Joan Crawford’s Long Lost Daughter Found

joancrawford.jpg

(It had been a a while since we’ve had a Michael Jackson post. Thanks Yoleen)

Be Safe Tonight

If you’re going out to party tonight, or plan on drinking at all, remember to be safe, and that 7-11 is giving out free coffee tonight. Don’t be stupid and drink and drive — please.

</public service announcement>

Why I need a digital camera

So I could’ve taken pictures of our snow like Jon’s. I took a few winter pictures two years ago (pardon the poor scanning) but would really like to get some more taken. With the back pain laying me up, I haven’t taken nearly as many photos as I’ve liked.

What I really need is a negative scanner so I can get decent scans of my negatives (as I’ve got some great blank and whites in binders in my office). But that’s wishful thinking, that’s for sure, as those little buggers are expensive. And I need a dark room to develop my own film.

And I need to win the lottery 😉

Damn comment spammers and browser hi-jackers

I’ve really yet to have too much trouble with comment spamming. I’ve had my dealings with them before, but my IP ban list keeps most of them at bay. However, I had one that probably would’ve run rampant on my site had I not locked his IP.

If you were on this site about 45 minutes ago, you would’ve noticed that this post had 90 comments on it. Yes, you read that right. The most any of my posts have had is about 25. Every single comment was by the same guy, and he submitting this oh-so-relevant comment:

Dear Apple,

I am a homosexual. I bought an Apple computer because of its well earned reputation for being “the” gay computer. Since I have become an Apple owner, I have been exposed to a whole new world of gay friends. It is really a pleasure to meet and compute with other homos such as myself. I plan on using my new Apple computer as a way to entice and recruit young schoolboys into the homosexual lifestyle; it would be so helpful if you could produce more software which would appeal to young boys. Thanks in advance.

with much gayness,

Father Randy “Pudge” O’Day, S.J.

Dear Father O’Day:

Thanks for your letter. Being Catholic myself, I know exactly what you’re talking about! It has always been our plan here at Apple Computer Inc to revolutionize personal computing with our high-quality and highly gay products.

I’m happy to answer your letter by letting you know that YES we will be releasing an entire hLife (“homo-life”) software line. You’ll be able to recognize it in stores by the small stylized logo depicting a large cock entering a tight anus with an Apple logo on it. (“Suddenly it all comes together” indeed!).

Anyway, I hope you and other members of our community will join us on our mission, and purchase the exciting new hLife boxed set. Only the boxed set comes with translucent cock rings!

Sincerely,

Harry Rodman

Vice-president

Homosexual Liaison Services

Apple Computer, Inc.

I’m going to take the approach of my Australian partner in crime, and post all of this moron’s relevant info in hopes that it gets spammed (too bad my site blocks quite a few spam bots already). Or, in case somebody’s bored, you can do a denial of service on the moron’s site:

IP Address: 202.186.7.251

Have fun with it.

The e-mail address that was included was a fake address at a good, legitimate domain, but the problem was that I made the mistake of clicking on the URL that the guy included. If you know what’s good for you, you will not go to http://ner0-0nline.0rg/1@stmea$ure/ (and I’ve intentionally replaced certain characters so you don’t accidentally copy and paste). If you do head there, for god-sakes, do it in a text-based browser. If you’ve seen the goats.cx image, you’ll need to understand that the goats.cx image is tame compared to URL — and it will do everything in its power to hi-jack your browser (latterly 100 pop up windows with equally disgusting crap as well as annoying background music).

For you coders out there, you can see the source code for the page here so you can see the nasty JavaScript. It vicious.

You can actually view the root of the site here which contains links to other browser hi-jacks including the one that took over mine (Last Measure). Good site to use to trash people’s home page, but page links to click on yourself.

You can view the Whois here. Needless to say, the owner of that site is getting crap for putting fake crap in his domain records.

I’m sure it’s not the site owner’s fault (though that Last Measure stuff is disgusting) that somebody posted 90 comments on one post on my site — he probably had nothing to do with it. But he is the one hosting some nasty browser hi-jacks, that’s for sure.

Look out for almanac-welding thugs

So says the US Government.

The FBI is warning police nationwide to be alert for people carrying almanacs, cautioning that the popular reference books covering everything from abbreviations to weather trends could be used for terrorist planning.

I’d be more worried about the guy with the laptop with WiFi access who’s downloading crap off the ‘net than some guy with a dated almanac — and I’m not really worried about either.

Free Premium Joke Site

Ray over at Joke A Day is giving everybody a Christmas Gift: Free access for a few days to his premium joke site. Until 01/05/04, you can access the premium site at http://www.jokeaday.com/kringle/. If you like what you see, it’s only $5/year.

He sent a joke along with today’s announcement:

A young Jewish mother walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.

“Behave, my bubaleh” she says. “Take good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh! And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh. Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”

At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.

“So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”

The boy answers, “I learned my name is David.”