Month: May 2002

FINALLY!

Jake is no longer unemployed! I start my new job on Monday. I’ll update the site with more detail later, as well as some great links/posts.

May 17, 2002

Joke for the day

Couldn’t resist putting this one up here:

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, “You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you’d like to talk about or ask me?”

“Well,” he said, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”

“That’s a big decision! Have you talked it over with your family?”

“Yeah, we took a vote… and they’re in favor of it 15 to 2.”

May 14, 2002

I’ve heard of stuffing money in mattresses…

…but apparently somebody decided to hide $8-million of cocaine in one.

May 13, 2002

George Carlin is 65!

George Carlin turned 65 yesterday, so in tribute, some great quotes by this king of comedy:

  • Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

  • I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

  • I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

  • I’m desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

  • Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

  • I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

  • Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

  • Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  • You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

  • I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

  • One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

  • They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn’t your biggest problem.

  • Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

  • A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, “Don’t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?” I said “I didn’t know there were any witnesses. Now I’ll have to kill you too.”

  • Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

    • May 13, 2002

    Famous FBI Files

    Interested in the FBI Files on Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, Henry Ford, Lucille Ball, and other famous folk contain? Wonder no more as the FBI has made the information public knowledge (you have to love the freedom of information act).

    May 13, 2002

    Drink the rainbow of flavors

    First Vanilla Coke, then Pepsi Blue, now Dr. Pepper is launching a drink called Red Fusion. I’m sure all that artificial coloring can’t be good for you. It’s going to make walking down the soda aisle at the store a bit nauseating with all the colors.

    May 10, 2002

    Glad I don’t live near these

    While I’m a firm believer in modern nuclear-power (they’ve said that new systems could power the entire city of New York for a year and put out the amount of waste the size of a tennis ball), I’m really glad I don’t live near any of the older reactors that have problems.

    May 10, 2002

    Shock The Monkey!

    Banners ads we’d like to see

    May 10, 2002

    Salem Witch Trials

    This is how research on a topic should be put together. Great site.

    May 10, 2002

    Drop some acid…

    (if you’re into that) and then head to this site…or just check it one when you’re not trippin’ out…it’s a pretty wacky site.

    May 10, 2002