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For The Twilight Fans (or Un-fans)

The Twilight madness is at full tilt with last week's release of the 2nd movie, and this guy's opinion and description of the movies is probably going to anger some folks -- though I had to agree with him and laugh heartily. Observe (naughty language edit warning):

The movie is just the same uninspired crap s**t out onto a film reel. If you like the taste of horse manure on your bologna sandwiches, you're probably gonna like it on your birthday cake as well. The same principle applies with Twilight.

Beyond that, it's just a romance novel with the occasional vampire teen drama bulls**t peppered here and there. It doesn't really break any new ground in the realm of vampire fiction, other than portraying vampires as a family of uncomfortable retards who prance around the woods eating deer and bunny rabbits. There's lots of nervous lip-biting, tender kisses between Pants and Edward, and lengthy descriptions of every feature of Edward's body. Pants is a static character who never really progresses beyond being an insecure vampire fangirl who obsesses over Edward. Whether her character grows beyond that is unknown to me, I'd stopped reading by then and shifted my attention to an electric butt-massaging chair in Sky Mall.

Whether you're a Twilight fan or not, the page is hilarious.

And if you're interested in a review of the movie, Roger Ebert tore it apart:

The characters in this movie should be arrested for loitering with intent to moan. Never have teenagers been in greater need of a jump-start. Granted some of them are more than 100 years old, but still: their charisma is by Madame Tussaud.
[...]
sitting through this experience is like driving a tractor in low gear though a sullen sea of Brylcreem.

Posted by Jake on 11/23/09 @ 12:55 PM
Posted in Funny | Permalink



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