It was a bitter cold Halloween night in Central Oregon (though not as cold as last year where it was snowing and icy). My wife volunteered me to take around the nieces and nephews as well as my oldest daughter, so I ran them up and down the street in their little costumes, got them some candy, and then took them home to warm them back up.
A couple things I plan on doing next year:
1. I plan on carving out a pumpkin and filling it with concrete so that natural selection will take care of those jackass kids that run around the neighborhood smashing in pumpkins.
2. I plan on buy more really crappy canned vegetables. Why, you ask? Last night, we ran out of candy fairly early giving them to all the little ones in our neighborhood. When we ran out, we turned out the lights outside which most people know as the universal “This house is out of candy, go bug somebody else” sign. We did have any little kids show up, because most of them that were out and about were being escorted by their parents, and their parents know better. Just the same, we had a bunch of older kids (13+) that showed up after 8:00 or so that wanted candy. I politely told them that the light was off, that means we don’t have any candy, now go the hell away you prepubescent mooch. Sorry, but if you’re a teenager, you shouldn’t be out trick or treating, period.
About 9:30, somebody knocks on the door very loudly, making so much noise that they woke my one-year old. I open the door to find two kids that are obviously 15+, one of them taller than me, and neither of them in costume beyond a cheesy plastic mask. I told them that we put away our candy, but I’d go dig some out. I ran back to my pantry, reached way in the back to some canned sliced carrots that have been in there for many years, got the two dust-ridden cans, dropped them in the bags (hopefully crushing some of their charity candy) and shut the door. They were running off before they realized what I’d thrown in their garbage bags, so I doubt they even discover it until they got home.
Yes, that’s me: Jake the Halloween Grinch. I’m nursing a cold, so I was cranky anyway, that just put me over the edge. So next year I’m going to go to the Grocery Outlet here in Bend, buy the cheapest, nastiest, canned veggies I can find, and give them to kids that are much too old for trick or treating. I have no problems with older kids celebrating the holiday, but do it with some friends at a party or something.
Comments
Halloween Summary
As usual, it was as cold as a witch’s tit last night for Halloween, but at least it wasn’t snowing or anything; last year I wrote that it was in the teens. Fortunately this year
Right on, Jake! The second I turned 13 the trick-or-treat plug was pulled by my parents. So I had to raid my younger brothers’ stash. As for the older kids, I wish I would have come up with that idea! You can be sure I’ll be doing the same thing next year. Lousy punks. Always wanting something for nothing!
i actually had two teenagers come up to the door, i gave them the candy, then they asked for some for their friend who didn’t want to come to the door because she was smoking. pardon me? if you’re old enough to smoke, you’re too old to trick or treat. right?
wellim just 16 and i was t orting intill i was 15 😛 hehe bu that was over here in little old england. a bit immature but the best fun ive had for a while!
o and we didnt get dressed up we just when as tramps and wore are normal clother. well i would have lovd to get a can of some thing then pity i live like 300 miles away
nvm
nice web site u have here well done!
A Little Treat For Those Obnoxious Teenage Trick Or Treaters
Many of you may remember how I spent last Halloween. Long story short, I gave an obnoxious, too-old-to-be-trick-or-treating teenager a can of canned veggies instead of candy because he was…
Haha, great stories. Ya this year I have decided i’m going to do the full fledged “no candy at this house. Period” routine. I’d love to give out candy in the cold, but with the lack of children comming in the last few years, I don’t feel like standing next to the door waiting for some other half-dressed teen knocking ever 15 mins.
Lights out. I hope the get the message. It isn’t difficult to figure out this person isn’t home. ;p
Cheers
Im a mom, and im sick of the MOTHERS taking their kids out and carrying a bag along for themselves. WTF. Im sorry, your welfare mother self cant even paint your kids faces and you’re using a pillow case for the candy..and now im sposed to give her obviously 35 plus butt some candy. Uhh..right. I give her the icky cheap gum. Heh. Not that her 7 teethfull mouth could enjoy it much. And while im on the subject, we adults can recall groups and costumes. its not like there’s that many hobo guys escorting a group of 8 loud obnoxious kids. So don’t hit my house twice and say, ‘but we weren’t here yet!’ when I refuse seconds.
You’re the grinch? I’m the Witch of Halloween but substitute a big letter B.
Well im from Australia so we don’t have halloween over here. Sounds like you got your routine down pat. The teens should be at a party drinking somewhere (our legal drinking age is only 18) instead of trying to rob you of candy.
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