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I feel sorry for my wife

If you don't feel like reading about why I feel sorry for my wife and why her life probably sucks worse than mine right now, stop here. Otherwise, read on...

Every night, it's the same argument with the wife. She can't sit and relax because she's got too much to do, and she's stressed because she won't take the time to relax.

But I really do feel sorry for her, and I wish she could just understand that. God only know how many times I've tried to tell her. But basically, I've been limited it what I've been able to do around the house for the better part of nine months because of back and leg pain. Obviously, it's been worse the last few months, but it wasn't really pleasant before that, either. But the usual things I would do in the evening -- help clean up the house, do the dishes, put Hannah to bed, run to the grocery store, whatever -- I haven't been able to do because there's one critical thing you have to be able to do to accomplish all of this: bend over. And, right now, I can't do that.

Meanwhile, my wife's got to take care of a baby, a nearly-four-year-old (her birthday is tomorrow), and me, though I really don't demand too much of her attention. I try, probably despite my doctor's best wishes, to be fairly self-dependent so she has one less than to worry about.

But I don't think it's the three of us that bug her that much. She insists on stressing out, on a nightly basis, about our "messy house" which, really, isn't that messy and with a good hard hour of cleaning could be spotless (at least in my opinion -- but I'm the man, so what does my opinion matter ;-). Yeah, there's a bit of clutter, but for crying out loud, that happens in a family home.

But to top it all off, our baby has been sick lately and not sleeping well at night. When baby doesn't sleep, Lydia doesn't sleep, which means Lydia's tired. And we all know that if we don't sleep, we're cranky. And when you have to cover the load of your spouse, you're cranky. And I'm doing everything in my power to help make her life easier, but how much can a guy do when he still can't sit up right for very long, bend over to pick stuff up, can't do anything physical like shoveling the driveway, etc ... . About the only thing I can do right now is drive, and I can't do that for very long because of the roads being about as smooth as demolished building.

I just wish my wife had someone who could come over and do exactly what she wanted her to do -- be it clean, organize, whatever -- so she wouldn't have to worry so much. Family members would help, but her mom being here stresses our out even more because she makes things worse (we have to "Un-clean" things after she's been here "cleaning"). My family would probably help, but Lydia wouldn't ever tell them she needed help (Why? I don't know). That, and they're on a vacation right now.

If somebody would just take the BOTH of the kids off her hands for the entire day, and then somebody else that could help her (by doing exactly as she wanted) organize and clean the house, she'd be happy. And if somebody could drive around and run all her errands. And if somebody could just read her mind, so they'd do it all the way she wanted. And then if somebody else would give her a good massage after it was all over, life would be perfect for her. At least until the house was "messy" again a couple days later.

Usually, I would do anything in my power to do all that for her myself, but obviously I can't do much of anything for her right now.

I'm sorry for dumping this on everybody, and it stemmed from the fact that I managed to drive and get a movie tonight so we could watch it together, and she says she has too much to do and won't be able to watch it tonight. I mostly just had to get this off my chest. She doesn't read this blog (she hates the design of it, actually), so me writing here what I've already told her a hundred times isn't probably going to matter in the grand scheme of things. But I feel better sharing it.

Now let's see if there's something around the house I can do that isn't going to screw me up.

Posted by Jake on 01/02/04 @ 08:04 PM
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