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Those whiney bastards

What happens when you take kids that have grown up in the Playstation generation and force them to play the old-school games that us older folks grew up with? You get a very funny article on Electronic Gaming Monthly. They interview the kids while they're playing classics like Pong, Tetris, Donkey Kong, Super Mario Brother, and more. The kids are all between 9-12 years old, and the dialogue is priceless. One of my favorites is when they're asking the kids who the girl is that Mario is trying to rescue in Donkey Kong:

EGM: Who's that chick Mario is rescuing up there?
Brian: It's Princess Peach.
Kirk: It's a hooker.
Niko: She looks cut in half.
Tim: Oh wow?she's one of those pole dancers.
And there are some other ones, too, that make me want to smack these kids. Regarding Tetris:
Tim: Which button do I press to make the blocks explode?
EGM: Sorry, they don't explode.
Becky: This is boring. Maybe if it had characters and stuff and different levels, it would be OK. If things blew up or something or?
Sheldon: If there were bombs.
Becky: Yeah, or special bricks. Like, if a yellow brick touched a red brick it would blow up and you'd have to start over.
John: Why haven't I won yet? I've paired up so many of the same color.
EGM: Don't worry about colors.
John: I just lined up six of the same color. Why didn't they blow up?
EGM: Nothing blows up.
This link was via Les who got it from someone who got it from someone who got it from somebody else entirely. But I think Les's rant was the best, and sums up how I feel about these kids:
Why you snot-nosed little punk-assed brats! When I was yer age I didn't have any of these fancy-schmancy 3D graphics and 5.1 surround sound! Why we was lucky if the games had recognizable characters and more than one plot objective AND WE LOVE EVERY FRIGGIN' MINUTE OF IT! You spoiled little rugrats wouldn't know a true gaming experience if it bit you right on your fat little asses! Now go fetch Grampa some more bourbon!
Well said.

Posted by Jake on 10/19/03 @ 11:15 AM
Posted in Funny | Permalink

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