Ruminations for the Day
I cut the bill for my 900-number phone calls in half! Now I just talk dirty to my Psychic Friend.
I used to yearn for hot monkey sex -- until I realized it probably requires both a jungle *and* a primate.
"Okay, doctor, so I have this ADHD thing. I don't see where it's really affecting my abili-- Ooh! Is that a stethoscope?"
If I won the Super Bowl and they stuck a camera in my face, I'd yell, "I'm going to Disneyland!" That is if Disneyland had booze and hookers, because after winning the Super Bowl I'd want to get drunk and get laid.