Utterly Boring dot com

Ruminations

From Ruminate.com:

My wife only likes to have sex in places if there is a risk of getting caught. Well, I *have* caught her -- numerous times, in fact.

There's this girl where I live -- every day I tell her how I'd love to brush her long, beautiful hair, or go skipping through a field of lilies hand in hand with her, or share a bottle of wine on a hilltop overlooking a valley in Tuscany. And every day her answer is the same: "I'm not allowed to fraternize with the prisoners."

Scientists say a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's mouth. That may be true, but my wife almost never kisses me right after licking her own butt.

When I die, I'd like to be scattered over my hometown. But not, like, cremated or anything.

Sometimes I think I've totally wasted my life. That's when I call my Mom, and she always reassures me: "You're not a failure, boy. That's just the crystal meth talking!" Mothers are great that way.

Posted by Jake on 02/20/03 @ 12:45 PM
Posted in Funny | Permalink



What are you doing down here? Don't you have something better to do? Like Go Back To The Top of the page, or even see who created this site? This site is © 2001 - 2017 by the Utterly Boring folks at UtterlyBoring.com. Steal my content, as I probably did, too, just link to my site or the original site. Batteries not included. One size fits all. Not for off-road use. Not for internal use. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.